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My friend Isaac always described the responsibility of Christian parents as being to disciple their children. This sounded strange when I heard it, but of course it is true. It says a lot that that I did not intuitively associate the idea of discipling with parental responsibility. I have thought of and described that responsibility mostly with words like teaching, instructing, disciplining, raising. It is not that teaching, instructing, disciplining and raising are not a part of the process of discipling our children, it is that they are only part of the process. My assumption was that if I could just get my children to do right everything else would fall into place. It was the same assumption that I applied to my responsibility as a Christian to “make disciples”. Tim Keller contrasts religion and gospel. Religion says “I obey therefore God accepts me”. Gospel says “I am accepted by God therefore I obey”. In thinking about those statements, it becomes clear that what I was about as a parent was more religion than gospel. My objective was to teach a system, and, in that, I mostly ignored the importance and prominence of relationships. One might argue that that was not all bad. Didn’t they learn to be responsible, self-sufficient, independent, good people? Of course. Religion is not all bad for the same reasons. But there is a vast difference in outcomes between religion and gospel. Jesus said the religion practiced by the Pharisees made their convert twice as fit for hell as themselves. The practice of religion rendered them unable to hear the gospel. An implication I see is that children parented in religion i.e. “I obey therefore God accepts me.” are at risk for developing hearts which are unprepared to receive the gospel. Of course there are other influences in children’s lives that may very well cultivate “good soil hearts”. I am of the opinion that if I had to choose between a family who parents with “religion” and a family that has no religion but parents with love and acceptance, I would take the latter over the former. I believe children raised in a community of love and acceptance will more likely have hearts that are fertile ground and are capable of hearing the gospel. So what are parents like myself to do when they realize their efforts to raise their children, although done with an honest heart and the best of intentions, were not Godly? The answer for us is the same as the answer for parents who are beginning their families. The most important thing we can do is demonstrate the acceptance and love that God gives us in our lives and particularly in our relationships with our children. In relationships like those, hearts will be softened, ears will hear and eyes will see and the gospel will transform lives. Published Feb 2017 Shadowland Community Church weekly email |