In a conversation following my blog post A Stake in the Ground, the subject of boundaries came up.It has occurred to me that my ideas about driving stakes could be interpreted as a rejection of boundaries or, at the very least, some equivalency. That was not my intention, but the subject is worthy of some clarification.
STAKES
Let me begin with stakes in the ground.My definition of driving a stake in the ground is the occasion when an issue, principle, rule, law , belief is inviolable. There is no room for compromise, much less discussion. Negotiation is out of the question. Hopefully, it is obvious that driving a stake is a decision of last resort. Although I believe there are circumstances where driving a stake is appropriate, the consequences of choosing that option are so profound its application should be exceedingly rare.As I noted in my earlier post, that is not the case in our today’s society.
At this point, we could discuss underlying causes for the current state of our society, but that is beyond the scope of this post. In my opinion, the prevailing attitude for many people today is their belief that driving stakes in the ground is the best/only solution to controversy or disagreement. It is a desperate effort to overcome our fear of losing what we value most.
Driving a stake in the ground reveals what is of the highest value for us. If, our reason for driving a stake is a truly preeminent value, then we should expect to be praised as courageous and heroic. Unfortunately, most occasions where I choose to drive a stake in the ground, I was not courageous or heroic, mostly a damned fool. Though it is ultimately of little consolation, I am thankful that my foolishness dims in the light of the idiocy that prevails in a society where our sense of value has been so distorted, that all most any thing is worth driving a stake in the ground. You don’t have to go much further than social media to confirm my assertion.
As I concluded in my previous post, the essential qualities prerequisite to using this weapon of last resort are wisdom and discernment. Problem solved! (I wish)
BOUNDARIES
Disclaimer : the following is written without academic confidence and relies upon my limited understandings and experience. Proceed at your own risk. ( it just occurred to me I should have probably posted that disclaimer on the home page of my blog a long time ago. My apologies.)
Boundary- definition: a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something
Boundaries are essential to our very existence , not to mention the quality of our lives. Without them we would not survive. Boundaries define us as a person, define our property and they establish limits which serve to preserve and protect us. Understanding and properly applying boundaries is as much a learned skill as it is an inherited trait. One of the most challenging aspects of living emotionally and physically healthy lives is defining and maintaining boundaries.
The difference between boundaries and stakes in the ground, as I am referring to them, is that boundaries are permeable, stakes are not. We own and control and have responsibility for boundaries we establish. We can choose how permeable or impenetrable we want them to be.
Choosing between permeable and impenetrable boundaries requires the same qualities essential to knowing when and where to drive a stake in the ground, namely, wisdom and discernment.
When we choose to drive a stake in the ground rather than establish permeable boundaries, we are choosing a nuclear option. Once that missile is launched we have ceded control.When others choose the same option the result is mutually assured destruction. Gridlock prevails. Survival of the fittest comes to mind. To state it another way, driving a stake in the ground is the weaponization of a boundary.
In summary. The objective of this post is to clarify the relationship of driving a stake in the ground to establishing boundaries. They are two sides of the same coin. In either case, wisdom and discernment are required in order to successfully navigate our life’s journey. One is an indispensable tool, the other is nitroglycerin, perfect for demolition but must be handled with extreme care.
Succeeding posts will focus on Jesus’ ministry and his teachings on driving stakes in the ground.