A recent and regretfully not unusual experience continues to plague me. I’m getting weary of apologizing and asking for forgiveness. I’m pretty sure Ann is just as weary of being subjected to my idiocy and then bearing the burden of forgiving me without confidence it will not happen again.
Here’s the typical scenario:
Some triggering experience (legitimate or trivial) produces a strong emotional response, often anger, which overwhelms rationality. Reflexively, inappropriate words are hurled at my unsuspecting victim. Their venomous intent confirmed by an angry countenance and a voice that is threatening and loud. The aftermath is filled with regret and remorse. ” I can’t believe I did that. What was I thinking?”
What the heck is that all about? As I have related before and some of you have attested to, I’m a good person. I’d even go so far as to say I’m a Christ follower. Such behavior is contrary to goodness, much less Christ likeness.
I recently discovered an answer to my question. … I am being hijacked!
Specifically, I’m experiencing an “amygdala hijack”. Here is a summary of amygdala hijack:
The amygdala hijack is an immediate, overwhelming emotional response with a later realization that the response was inappropriately strong given the trigger. Daniel Goleman coined the term based on the work of neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux, which demonstrated that some emotional information travels directly from the thalamus to the amygdala without engaging the neocortex, or higher brain regions. This causes a strong emotional response that precedes more rational thought.
https://gostrengths.com/what-is-an-amygdala-hijack/
Huh, what does that mean?
The amygdala hijack basically equates to “freaking out” or seriously overreacting to an event in your life.
Any strong emotion, anxiety, anger, joy, or betrayal trips off the amygdala and impairs the prefrontal cortex’s working memory. The power of emotions overwhelms rationality. That is why when we are emotionally upset or stressed we can’t think straight.
No one can make you do something against your better judgment, but the amygdala always can.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/files/attachments/51483/handling-the-hijack.pdf
What a relief! That’s exactly what going on. Now I understand why. Ann will be glad to know I’m experiencing amygdala hijack. No guilt, remorse or need for apology, it’s my amygdala. Surely that’s better than “The devil made me do it.”
On second thought it’s not better. Knowing it is an amygdala hijack is not an excuse, it is a reason. Cursory research reveals amygdala hijack is an important and essential part of our brain functions. There are circumstances that necessitate the amygdala’s override of rationality for the sake of survival.
We are not, however, slaves to our amygdala. Our emotional system can be trained.
“Once your emotional system learns something, it seems you never let it go. What therapy does is teach you how to control it—it teaches your neocortex how to inhibit your amygdala. The propensity to act is suppressed, while your basic emotion about it remains in a subdued form.”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/files/attachments/51483/handling-the-hijack.pdf
Looking for an explanation or excuse for my behavior, amygdala hijack offers little relief. Though I now understand what is happening, I also understand why… I am not exercising self-control. My research indicates therapy is helpful. Practical advice for managing amygdala hijacks abound.. Breathe… Focus on your body… Ty saying a mantra… Acknowledge and label your feelings… Take a break. I am confident such counsel can be helpful. In the final analysis, it comes down to self-control. Even knowing my lack of success at self-control, awareness and understanding will help me in the future.
Once again again I am confronted with how much I must be grieving the Holy Spirit by resisting her gift of self-control.
There is a better teacher than therapy.