Sunday Morning

Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails 
Do not hide your face from me 
or I will be like those who go down to the pit. 
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, 
for I have put my trust in you. 
Show me the way I should go, 
for to you I entrust my life. 
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, 
for I hide myself in you. 
Teach me to do your will, 
for you are my God; 
may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
Psalms 143;7-10

The past weeks have been difficult. I am feeling sadness in the midst of continued disruption. Sadness deepen by disappointment, loss and loneliness; perhaps dejection is the best word for it. As David wrote in Psalms 143, “my spirit fails”. In the course of trying to understand what is happening, I was reminded of accidie in a recent post .

…accidie [acedia] resentment that life isn’t what we want it to be, and therefore we intentionally withdraw our assent to play our own part in it, and we boycott the theatre. 
Accidie [acedia] has been variously defined as “a state of listlessness or torpor, of not caring or not being concerned with one’s position or condition in the world.”

JIm Gordon

That description has lead me to conclude acedia may be a besetting sin for me and, I suspect, for many others. Besetting sin is an unfamiliar but appropriate phrase in this case.

In the life of every individual, there is a “besetting” sin that can tower like a mountain between the individual and God.
A besetting sin is one to which on account of our constitution, or circumstance or both, we are peculiarly exposed, and into which we most easily and most frequently fall.

My response to the pandemic and subsequent chaos has been increasingly filled with self-pity, lapsing into victimhood, bemoaning undeserved punishment. It is troubling, to say the least, to realize my state of being as sin. Cognitive dissonance is getting a bit worn, but its applies. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I’m faced with guilt? What did I do wrong?

Acedia is not a familiar sin in modern times.. Originally one of eight “bad thoughts” monks defined as deadly sins, it eventually morphed into sloth, one of the “7 deadly sins”. In modernity, laziness is probably the handiest, albeit insufficient definition,

The Oxford Concise Dictionary of the Christian Church defines acedia (or accidie) as “a state of restlessness and inability either to work or to pray”. Some see it as the precursor to sloth—one of the seven deadly sins.
The term acedia was used first used in Christianity by monks and other ascetics who lived solitary lives, and were tempted to become listless and inert, or begin longing to be elsewhere or to do something other than what they were doing.
 It is usually seen as naming a fault, which is subject to one’s will, rather than simply a psychological state. Acedia is to spiritual health something like what depression is to mental health.

https://jamesgray2.me/2015/10/15/acedia-or-the-last-but-not-least-of-deadly-sins/

It’s an ancient term signifying profound indifference and inability to care about things that matter, even to the extent that you no longer care that you can’t care.
I liken it to spiritual morphine: You know the pain is there but can’t rouse yourself to give a damn.
When I compared the classic descriptions of acedia with the plagues of contemporary society — a toxic, nearly unbearable mix of boredom and restlessness, frantic escapism (including that of workaholism), commitment-phobia and enervating despair — I found the ancient demon of acedia in modern dress.
Kathleen Norris

https://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/04/06/got.acedia.spiritual.morphine/index.html?hpt=Sbin

A monk (or maybe a seminarian ?) with acedia:
…when he reads…yawns plenty and easily falls into sleep. He rubs his eyes and stretches his arms. His eyes wander from the book. He stares at the wall and then goes back to his reading for a little. He then wastes his time hanging on to the end of words, counts the pages, ascertains how the book is made, finds fault with the writing and the design. Finally he just shuts it and uses it as a pillow. Then he falls into a sleep not too deep, because hunger wakes his soul up and he begins to concern himself with that.

For many, the pandemic and required quarantines and social distancing has placed them in a monastic sort of environment. Acedia in its origin was particular to monks in the confines of monasteries. Though current experiences do not compare to life in a monastery but they are dramatically different from normal modern life. Suddenly deprived of lifestyles filled with activities and freedom to do as we please, we have found ourselves involuntarily confined to private monasteries. Like ancient monks, we are vulnerable to acedia.

Because of unfamiliarity with acedia and its subtle nature, it may not be taken seriously. Ancient wisdom understood the peril of acedia, earning it a place among deadly sins. Unlike more familiar sins which can be subjected to sin management, acedia attacks our spiritual immune system, invading spiritual sanctuaries (prayer, worship solitude, contemplation, relationships) to distract us and obscure God’s presence. No longer abiding in Him, we wither and die.

At first glance, it seems acedia is just a condition resulting from circumstances beyond my control. I have no inclination to repent or pray for forgiveness. I am the victim not the perpetrator. What’s the sin in that? It’s not my fault. After all, when the pandemic and other aberrations are over, I’ll be just fine. Perhaps not. Acedia produces doubt and apathy. Hebrews chapter 10 is helpful , there the writer recognizes the possibility of “shrinking back” in the face of difficult times and calls for perseverance.

Despite our confidence :
..friends, we can now-without hesitation-walk right up to God, into “the Holy Place.” … by the blood of Jesus’ sacrifice… into God’s presence is his body. — full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Hebrews 10 MSG

We are vulnerable and need to persevere. …“don’t throw it all away now. You were sure of yourselves then. It’s still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God’s plan so you’ll be there for the promised completion.”

Symptoms of acedia, lethargy, apathy, hopelessness reveal its sinful core. They demonstrate the erosion of our confidence, faith.. trust that God will keep his word. Acedia is not a momentary lapse, it is cancerous. We are inclined to ignore symptoms allowing it to grow and diminish our faith.
I mostly think of sin as a discrete problem… an error in judgement …an unkind word or action which quickly produces regret and shame. Acedia is different, It does not produce guilt, regret or shame, rather self-pity and lament for being victimized by “it”or “them”.

The greatest test of faith comes when we encounter circumstances beyond our control. These days are such times. I have found myself floundering, struggling with acedia. Sin management tools are insufficient and I continue to wrestle with the realization that I am beset with sin. The first and most essential step in defeating sin is recognizing its reality.
Though unique, my struggle is not unprecedented in my life. Decades ago in the midst of despair, God through Psalms 73, saved me. Once again I am drawn to the words of the Psalmist as I struggle with my sin.

… my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.
When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood..
… my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

This battle is not about salvation from eternal damnation, it is about overcoming sin that robs us of God’s presence and power that enables us to live as His people in His kingdom on earth now.
Acedia, one writer says, is best defined as the opposite of “spiritual joy”. The threat is real and begs the question, “What do I do ?”
My encouragement is to begin by “thinking about your thoughts” and seriously consider where they are leading you. Salvation begins with self-awareness.

This matter is not concluded for me and I intend to share further experiences as my journey continues.

...let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:22-23