I have concluded the most troubling and revealing characteristic of society today is the absence of empathy. Empathy is, as I wrote about in my essay on echo chambers, a damper which can prevent ultimate destruction. You can read an excerpt from Echo Chambers about natural frequencies and dampers. HERE.
Alarming as the absence of empathy in society is, resistance to and denigration of empathy in some Christian evangelical contexts, betrays how deeply secular ethos is influencing Christianity.
This post contains citations from several sources which have influenced my conclusion, and hopefully, you will be motivated to think about your perceptions of empathy and how they impact your life and faith.
Empathy and Kindness
It seems to me, in many quarters, that crisis [division /conflict] can best be seen in what I can only describe as the victory of anger and grievance over empathy and kindness. Yes, I know there are exceptions and, perhaps, your Church and your life are the very examples of “Matthew 25” Christianity. If so, please keep doing what you are doing! There are, however, other voices being heard and they claim to be speaking for Christ as they angrily weigh in on politics, culture and the like wrapping them in to a twisted version of Christianity. What is perhaps worse, however, is that empathy and kindness, once the very hallmarks of Christian character, are berated by some or are considered signs of weakness by others. How did we get to such a state as believers that belligerence is not only accepted but amplified and applauded, even in the church?
Duane Arnold
Psychopathy
Guess what is the defining feature of psychopathy? It’s a lack of empathy. Although there are other related features, a complete lack of empathy is the defining feature. That is, we can ask of the sociopathic: How can a person kill another person in a brutal fashion? The answer: You lack empathy. The cries of the victim make no difference. These people are, in a very real way, cold and reptilian.
To conclude. I’m arguing that empathy is the greatest virtue. I bring up psychopathy to argue from a negative case. Specifically, when we see the essential disintegration of moral behavior we see empathy at the core. More to the point, we see empathy broken. And when empathy breaks our entire moral sense breaks down with it. I called empathy the foundation of goodness in my last post. That was not hyperbole. The case of psychopathy shows I was speaking in earnest. Our entire moral sense begins and rests upon empathy.
Ricard Beck
Understanding
It’s important to note that understanding is not necessarily agreeing. It’s the mental work of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. If you cut people off after judging them by your own imperfect standards, you cut off the opportunity to understand them. You cut off empathy to that person, and thus cut off altruism. You eliminate the opportunity for God to do his work through you. You eliminate the opportunity for apology and forgiveness. You eliminate, in that moment, the Love that could have taken place. You’re doing yourself a disservice that will only proliferate its problem within you. You cannot be content if you’re lying to yourself, and you cannot love if you won’t accept Love to thrive. Love does not grow where Love is not shown. We love because Christ first loved us.
Benjamin Perry
Why one might think empathy is a waste of time.
Why attempt to make right with someone when you can just know that their heart is full of great sin towards you and excommunicate them from your life and gossip about them? I mean, who wouldn’t do that? (They’ll end up in Hell anyways am I right? Wouldn’t want them to get any more chances at leading ME there!)
Benjamin Perry
Getting Older doesn’t make one more empathetic
Ageism reduces human beings’ capacity for caring too. Globally, people don’t value elderly lives as much as they do young people’s, research shows. When it comes to deciding who lives or dies, there’s a disregard for the elderly, even among the elderly.
The elderly themselves don’t care much about protecting the elderly because they typically don’t think of themselves as such, says Susan Fiske, a Princeton psychologist who has studied ageism and other prejudices. The “old” are always just a little bit older than ourselves.
Conversation & Empathy
Karoline Lewis from Luther Seminary says, “We are living in a time when conversation needs to be cultivated and valued. Practiced and pursued. Longed for and lived. Without real conversation, we lack intimacy and understanding; connection and empathy. Without real conversation, we risk detachment and distance.” And it is especially important that we learn to have conversations with people that are different.
Answers or Empathy
I strongly disagree with Dr. Piper. I assert that he is dead wrong when he writes, “But sooner or later people want more than empathy and aid—they want answers.” That is just plain incorrect.
People ultimately want love, not answers. Answers are not the capstone; love is. Most can do without specific explanations. No one can do without love. Even when sufferers cry out, “Why?” they are not asking for answers. They are expressing pain and hoping someone is there to hear their cries. Above all, they want to know they are not alone, not abandoned, not rejected. They want love. They want the presence of someone who cares. They want reassurance that someone is there to embrace them, listen to them, hold their hand, be their friend.
To believe that “answers” are the ultimate solution is to take the position of Job’s comforters.
Michael Spencer
A theodicy problem
So we see people doing one of two things to run from theodicy problems. Hedge on the empathy or hedge on the logical consistency.
But what if you’re the sort of person who can’t hedge on either? What if you’re one of those rare individuals who are both very analytical and very empathic?
It seems to me, if you are one of these sorts of people, that you’re basically screwed. All around you people are suffering. And you feel this acutely. More, as you reason it all out God comes out looking more and more like a monster or less and less like the God of orthodox Christianity. You’re getting hit from both sides. You are unable to run from either the empathy or the logic. More, the two fuel each other in a feedback loop. Our analytical minds penetrate the bubble of worship and Sunday School platitudes. And our hearts won’t hide the horror of life.
It’s a theological nightmare.
You can’t turn your mind off. Or your heart.
Theologically speaking, I think some of us are just wired to suffer.
Richard Beck
Winning
…something has happened in our culture that troubles me greatly…a lack of empathy for anyone outside of our new tribal identities.
A lack of empathy dehumanizes others and strips them of personhood.
The sickest aspect of this is that one must first sacrifice your own humanity before you can rob it from others.
Without empathy, people become problems to be solved, or worse, enemies to be defeated.
No society …or country…can survive long without a feeling of commonality and shared humanity among all people despite their differences.
Many in favor of defeating other people who differ, do so believing they act in service for the Lord.
Phoenix Preacher
“Bless their heart”
“Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.”– Dr. Brené Brown
Empathy and sympathy are often grouped together, but they are very different, as Brené Brown outlines in this video. Empathy is an skill that can bring people together and make people feel included, while sympathy creates an uneven power dynamic and can lead to more isolation and disconnection.
Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil —
Hebrews 2:14 – NIV
…empathy creates the moral fabric of our lives. All our hopes, dreams and desires are communally held together by the fact that we can identify with each other. We loathe immoral behavior because we can empathize with the victims. And this empathic connection binds us all together and, thus, begins the collective moral journey. Wherever our system of ethics begins it must surely begin with this simple question:
If I were in that person’s shoes how would I feel about that?
Adam Smith via Richard Beck
What do you think produces…altruistic motives?
Richard Beck
When we empathize with a person in need our altruistic motives increase. When we feel empathy we simply want to help. For no other reason than to help. In the language of the studies, we’ll work crazy hard to help when no one is watching, when we’ll get no reward or punishment, and when we’ve been given every reason to think that we’ve done enough.
Altruism. Apparently, it exists. And empathy is what makes it go.
There much more to be said regarding empathy.
It may be the most important and accurate barometer of the health of a Christ-follower’s faith.
Richard Beck says it well…“when empathy breaks our entire moral sense breaks down with it. I called empathy the foundation of goodness in my last post. That was not hyperbole… Our entire moral sense begins and rests upon empathy.
Still on the Journey