I think of my 2020 experience, thus far, as treading water. The shoreline is not in sight. The depth of the water requires constant treading to keep from drowning. The waves are relentless, there is no relief. It is exhausting. Although sustained by hope that transcends the immediate, there is no exemption from immanent peril.
In the midst of these despairing circumstances, I have encountered an unexpected and welcomed life preserver.
Perhaps you can recall an occasion you were not sure you could go on and suddenly someone threw you a life preserver, you grasped it tightly and in a moment everything changed. There is relief from struggling and opportunity to regain strength. Despite the truth that you’re still stranded, confidence of survival abounds.
For me, conversation has been a life preserver. I am deeply thankful for family, friends and acquaintances with whom I have had conversations during the recent days and months. Conversations matter. Thank you.
This week I came across two articles related to conversation and provide further insight into why conversations matter.
FRIENDS:
In his book, Social, by Matthew Lieberman reports on a survey of people’s social connections that was done in 1985 and again in 2004.
People were asked to list their friends in response to the question “Over the last six months, who are the people with whom you discussed matters important to you?” In 1985, the most common number of friends listed was three; 59 percent of respondents listed three or more friends fitting this description.
But by 2004, the most common number of friends with whom you would discuss important matters was zero. And only 37 percent of respondents listed three or more friends. Back in 1985, only 10 percent indicated that they had zero confidants. In 2004, this number had skyrocketed to 25 percent.
As Lieberman says, “One out of every four of us is walking around with no one to share our lives with.”
Interestingly friends are defined as people with whom you have discussed matters important to you. It gave me pause to think about who I have to share my life with. I fear the 2004 percentage has diminished significantly in our increasingly social media dominate society.
Perhaps we need a conversational revolution as suggested by Michael Frost.
Let’s start a conversational revolution!
Let’s commit to showing a real interest in others. Make it your goal to never leave a social situation without getting at least one new piece of information about every person you had a conversation with.
And when you’re in a conversation with someone who’s more than willing to answer your insightful questions, but completely disinclined to ask you anything, call it out. Say something like, “Sorry, I’ve been dominating by asking all the questions. I suppose you’ve got lots of questions about my life?”
Michael Frost
https://mikefrost.net/why-havent-you-asked-me-anything-about-my-life/?fbclid=IwAR0HP2-Lpkgy4QCHnGlwDzMTCU5RjujwZUD7taotfGS3eKyumQEOPvgYeGg
…the character of our conversation in human relationships betrays the health of the relationship, … For example if conversations with friend or family never progress beyond the trivial and/or self centered yada… yada… yada; at best, the relationship will not grow and most likely will diminish over time. On the other hand, when conversations reflect mutual interest and concern, share inner feelings, fears and desires, it is a sign of a healthy relationship.
http://www.georgeezell.com/2019/01/prayer-as-conversation/
SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT!