“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott
“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott
God, lover of life, lover of these lives,? God, lover of our souls, lover of our bodies, lover of all that exists: It is your love that keeps it all alive…. May we live in this love.? May we never doubt this love.? May we know that we are love,? That we were created for love,? That we are a reflection of you,? That you love yourself in us and therefore we are perfectly lovable.? May we never doubt this deep and abiding and perfect goodness.? We are because you are.
Richard Rohr
Peace
Perhaps, there is no definitive opposite of peace to speak of, only its definitive absence. It is surely the case that no matter how many things a person might have, to have no peace is in a certain sense to have nothing. I do not mean tonot have anything but to have precisely nothing: an inescapable void right at the center of everything else, like the billions of stars in our galaxy that all have a supermassive black hole churning at the center. It is indeed the absence of peace that sets much of our world in motion, into commotion. Everyone is searching for its presence (or running from its absence) but more often than not search (or run) in vain. The absence of peace cannot be filled with any substitute presence any more than a black hole can be filled with starlight. It’s like the absence of a person. The only thing that can fill the absence of a person is that same person’s presence. There is no replacement for peace.
The opposite of peace is godlessness, in a literal sense. In the words of Karl Barth, “The enterprise of the No-God is avenged by its success.” So if you want to find peace, you have to go straight to the source. There is no replacement for God.
Jeremy Spainhour
Words for the Belovéd
And this is the consolation-that the world doesn’t end, that the world one day opens up into something better, and that we one day open up into something far better. Maybe like this: one morning you finally wake to a light you recognize as the light you’ve wanted every morning that has come before. And the air itself has some light thing in it that you’ve always hoped the air might have. And One is there to welcome you whose face you’ve looked for during all the best and worst times of your life. He takes you to himself and holds you close until you fully wake. And it seems you’ve only just awakened, but you turnand there we are, the rest of us, arriving just behind you. We’ll go the rest of the way together.
Scott Cairns
Students of God
…no student of God, no believer in God or worshiper of Him, has any interest in remaining at the level of third-person knowledge, that is, questions and facts about God. What makes God God is his qualitative unlikeness to all other objects of study, what theologians call His transcendence.
God is incorporeal (not a body), immaterial (not made of matter), invisible, eternal, and infinite. He cannot be studied in a lab, placed in a petri dish, or spied through a telescope. What we know of Him we know by inference or by revelation: by reasoning from effects in the world, tracing them to their ultimate cause in Him, or by receiving what He has to say about Himself, if He so chooses.
Brad East
Notation in the back of my old Bible (circa 1999)
Oh God, our heavenly Guide, as finite creatures of time and dependent creatures of Thine, we acknowledge Thee as our sovereign Lord. Permit freedom and joys thereof to forever reign throughout our land. May we as klansmen forever have the courage of our convictions that we may ever stand for Thee and our great nation. May the sweet cup of brotherly fraternity ever be ours to enjoy and build within us that kindred spirit which will keep us unified and strong. Engender within us that wisdom kindred to honorable decisions and the Godly work. By the power of Thy infinite spirit and the energizing virtue therein, ever keep before us our oaths of secrecy and pledges of righteousness. Bless us now in this assembly that we may honor Thee in all things, we pray in the name of Christ, our blessed Savior. Amen. Prayer of Sam Bowers, KKK Grand Chaplin, on June 7, 1964 at Boykin Methodist Church near Raleigh, Mississippi.
Dying well: Living like a tree- producing a burst of beauty as death approaches.
Dying well is not just about what happens when death is immanent, it is about living well in preparation for the final event.
The process of dying begins when we we are born, therefore, planning to die should, theoretically, be a life-long undertaking. In reality, planning to die well becomes relevant we accept our mortality. Culture’s avoidance of death, explains why many do not plan or die well.
Some may object to the idea planning to die well, i.e. “No one knows when where or how they will die!” ” God will take me when He is ready.” It is ironic one would object to planning to die well and be very emphatic about planning for retirement, for example. It is true that our life is always tenuous. “I never thought I would live this long.” is not a reason to forgo planning.
Dying well, as defined, is a spiritual discipline, — advancing sanctification, It is also practical — addressing the welfare of those we leave behind. This post attends to the latter. What follows is a stream of consciousness intended to eventually produce a cogent framework for addressing the welfare of those we leave behind. Future posts will focus on the spiritual.
In all the moments I spent at the bedside of the dying, I witnessed none where pain did not overcome the survivors. Even in deaths that were anticipated, like those among elderly people who had suffered the ravages of long-standing terminal illness, the loss left scars. Families who voiced acceptance of a loved one’s impending death struggled afterward, blindsided by the abrupt absence of someone dear to them. It was as if a part of their heart had been removed suddenly. Kathryn Butler
For the dying, death’s effect – fear, temptation, sin – precede its appearance. Death’s consequences — grief, sorrow, loss – are the burden of those left behind. Dying well does not eliminate, but attends to, the reality of the consequences of death for those left behind. To die well well is an act of love. What follows are topics which minister to those we leave behind. Each topic is worthy of more discussion and may be addressed in future posts. For now, they are presented to further stimulate thinking about preparing to die well.
End of Life End of life is often defined as the time between a medical declaration that one is dying and death. For this discussion the span end of life is from acceptance “I am going to die” until death. In either case the span of end of life is tenuous and can vary greatly, increasing the importance of the following topics
Last rites An occurrence of death is a terrible time to make important decisions. To the extent possible, decisions should be made and executed in advance, or at least communicated clearly.It is true that the dead won’t know or care, but those left behind do.
Cremation and/or burial
Funeral arrangements / Prepaid?
Funeral service
Officiant/s
Legal/ Medical
Medical Advance directive
Living will
Power of Attorney
Driving Advance Directive
Last Will and Testament
Establish guardrails to help prepare for dying in our high-tech world before death is imminent.:
Stay out of the hospital if possible.
Avoid new devices, interventions, and procedures if possible.
Spend your remaining days at home if possible.
Nurture relationships with those you love. L.S. Dugdale
Conversation
Conversations are an essential part of nurturing relationships with those you love. It is important to have meaningful conversations before there is an immanent death crisis. In crisis , conversations about extraneous matters will not be a priority. There is an inverse proportional relationship between meaningful conversations and the caliber of relationship. Paradoxically, the closer the relationship the more difficult, or less likely, it is for meaningful conversations to occur. There are exceptions, but the key point is “meaningful”. Close relationships are typically filled with fun, entertaining and informative conversations but when meaningful and/or serious topics arise— not so much. Either the conversation shuts down or it is diverted to a less risky topic. This story about my father illustrates the point:
It has been well over two decades, but I remember it clearly. My father, in the closing days of his life, was in a shabby nursing home in North Alabama. Traveling from Kentucky to make what might be a final visit, I was hopeful we could have “the conversation” . You know what I mean, that conversation where you talk about all the “stuff” left unsaid; or, at a minimum, say final goodbyes. I did not have the forethought to prepare for that conversation, but as he lay there, bed-ridden, disfigured by age and ravaged by disease, I knew that there might never be another opportunity. When we had finished our usual small talk, and the room was quiet, I said “Dad, Is there anything you would like to talk about?” Laying on his back, looking at the ceiling, I could tell he was thinking. Absent his dentures he was chewing on his gums, unsupported lips flapping. As I looked at him he avoided eye contact. Tears began to well up and slowly roll down his cheeks. Chewing vigorously, he looked at me and said, “Could you hand me a cookie out of that drawer?”
Perhaps the most difficult challenge to preparing and dying well is having meaningful conversation about death and related issues. I can attest to this by my experience over the past year or so as I have intentionally engaged in developing a plan to die well. To have meaningful conversations requires attending to relationships which may be fragile or broken. Even when relationships are healthy, avoidance of death restraints needed conversations. One more reason why dying well ain’t easy.
Community
We want somebody there when we die, and it is worth rehearsing for the inevitable in community now—while we have our wits about us and are able-bodied. Community does not materialize instantly at a deathbed; it must be cultivated over a lifetime.
The ars moriendi drives home the point that we die best in community. Rare is the person who dies alone and dies well. In fact, we might go so far as to say that it is impossible to die well if you die alone. Dying in the fifteenth century was truly a community affair. ars moriendi literary genre sometimes characterized dying as a drama in which moriens (the dying person) is the protagonist and all other members of the patient’s community, from youngest to oldest, play supporting roles. The idea is that those in attendance at the deathbed could rehearse their roles in this familial drama while still young and healthy, in anticipation of their own future role as moriens. Rehearsing made it easier to sustain a supportive community once death hovered. When someone died, there would be no guessing about what one should do or say. The Lost Art of Dying
A community surrounding us when we die is naturally thought of as family. Sadly in today’s world, often families are broken and absent at the end of life. For that reason, community needs a broader definition i.e. church or another group. In any case it is important that community be cultivated in a way that we are able to be in the company of loved ones when death nears.
Legacy
”With few exceptions, everyone wants to be remembered . That desire can be fulfilled in numerous ways — gravesites, monuments, photographs, etc. Reality is, those and other attempts to assure remembrance will fade and/or be forgotten.
“Almost all human endeavor is the attempt to mine the past for what we need to survive into the future.” A legacy is the radiations of significance from a life-as it is lived and after it is over. “Your legacy is the fragrance of your life that remains when you yourself are not present.” “The closest thing we have to a more permanent existence is our stories. Our stories capture more of who we are and what our life has been than anything else in the human experience. Creating a Spiritual Legacy by Daniel Taylor
“Preserve your stories now, while the memories are vivid. Think of the stories you’ve heard your partner or parents tell a thousand times. They are precious. When someone dies, we need those stories—not in a vague, half-remembered, second-hand form but in the original version, with all the plot twists, nuances, and personal storytelling quirks. Your own words and insights are more illuminating than others’ eulogies and tributes.” https://mikefrost.net/the-way-you-tell-your-spiritual-autobiography-matters/
After our death, like ripples on the water, each story shared, is a memorial, sustaining our legacy.
What stories will be told?
poet Jim Harrison once wrote, “Death steals everything except our stories.” But if you don’t take care, death can steal those, too.
Our temptation is to begin with politics and then try to figure out how religion can fit in. We start with the accepted parameters of political debate and, whether we find ourselves on the left or the right, we use religion to justify and bolster our existing commitments….
Rev. Wes Granberg-Michaelson
Memory
As an older man, I see my past slipping away. My memory seems fine from a medical point-of-view, but the truth is that we only remember moments of our past. Those moments are often sustained by photographs, souvenirs, and stories. Indeed, the stories have a striking way of mis-remembering, the story supplanting the event itself. Tell the story wrong for enough times and you come to believe it yourself. The cult of the past is often a covenant with a lie.
Fr Stephen Freeman
We don’t know our true values until they’re tested
“Tolerance of serious wrong by leaders sears the conscience of the culture, spawns unrestrained immorality and lawlessness in the society, and surely results in God’s judgment.” June 1, 1998 — the Southern Baptist Convention
Evangelicals thought they valued integrity in politicians, and they held to that conviction until the very moment it carried a cost. That is when courage failed. David French
C.S. Lewis wrote, “Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means at the point of highest reality.” We don’t know if we’re actually honest until we tell the truth when the truth will hurt us.
Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness.
1 John 2:9
Political hatred is amply documented. According to a recent studyby More in Common, a nonpartisan organization that does research on political and cultural differences, 86 percent of Republicans believe Democrats are brainwashed, 84 percent believe Democrats are hateful and 71 percent believe Democrats are racist. Democrats have an even dimmer view of Republicans — 88 percent believe Republicans are brainwashed, 87 percent believe Republicans are hateful and 89 percent believe Republicans are racist.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matt 5:43-48
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:14-19