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“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott

“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott

Category: Death & Dying

Death & Dying (8) -Dying Well

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Confronting finitude

A status report on my Dying Well Plan. You can read my previous post HERE.

People who want to die well must be willing to confront their finitude. We do not have to accept death, invite it, or wish for it. But we must be prepared to say, “Yes, I am human and therefore mortal. One day I will die.” We cannot both cling to the indefinite extension of life and effectively prepare for death.

The Lost Art of Dying

Since committing to develop a Dying Well Plan, it has become clear any such plan is a contingency plan. Planning for death is a crap shoot. Death is enevitable, time and circumstances are TBD. However, there are reasonable probabilities for my remaining time, and few factors in my control; with that in mind I maintain my commitment.

—“People who want to die well must be willing to confront their finitude.” — is a basic tenet embraced in the process of developing a Dying Well Plan. Living out that conviction exposes inherent cultural resistance. Someone who reminds you “…you are going to die” is probably not who you look forward to having a conversation with. Discretion and discernment remain a challenge.

Willingness to confront my finitude has focused my attention. I see and contemplate things related to my mortality previously ignored or unnoticed; funerals and sermons, obituaries and articles, podcasts, et al, flood my consciousness. I attribute that change to paying attention. Reminders of our finitude are ubiquitous.

For me, confronting finitude includes reading secular, theological and spiritual resources.I am currently enrolled in a Life Long Learning Class entitled “End of Life and Human Flourishing”. Field work includes frequent walks through Wilmore cemetery. There are spiritual implications “…beliefs about God and an afterlife, if we have them, are often abstractions. If we don’t accept the reality of death, we don’t need these beliefs to be anything other than mental assents.” 1Tim Keller

Despite my rational, conscious acknowledgment that I would die someday, the shattering reality of a fatal diagnosis provoked a remarkably strong psychological denial of mortality. Instead of acting on Dylan Thomas’s advice to “rage, rage against the dying of the light,” I found myself thinking, What? No! I can’t die. That happens to others, but not to me. When I said these outrageous words out loud, I realized that this delusion had been the actual operating principle of my heart.

Tim Keller

Confronting finitude reveals the substance of our faith. Keller discovered: I had to look not only at my professed beliefs but also at my actual understanding of God. Had it been shaped by my culture? Had I been slipping unconsciously into the supposition that God lived for me rather than I for him, that life should go well for me, that I knew better than God does how things should go?

Unlike Keller, I have not received news of pancreatic cancer, but the truth is I am dying, and you as well. That realization is producing an opportunity for healthy self-examination. Arthur Brooks observed; “If you insist on ignoring your own demise, you are likely to make decisions that cause you to sleepwalk through life. You may not be dead yet, but you’re not fully alive either.”

Looking to be more fully alive!

…people die. All of us. We live on an edge, and people tumble off all the time. For that reason, the truth of the faith does not disappear. It is never irrelevant. Indeed, in the light of the truth of our existence, Christ’s Pascha, his death and resurrection, is the only truly relevant thing. Only if Christ has trampled down death by death can we face the naked truth of our existence with hope.

Fr Stephen Freeman

STILL ON THE JOURNEY

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    Tim Keller

Death & Dying (7)- Facing Death

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…. supposedly from a First Nations tribe: “When you came into this world, you cried and everyone smiled with joy at your arrival. When you leave this world, may you smile with joy and everyone cry at your leaving.”

The series of posts on death and dying have been challenging, exhausting, frustrating, disappointing and rewarding. One thing I have learned for sure: If you are looking to have an extended conversation with someone; don’t start with death or dying. Almost without exception, anytime I introduce death and dying into a conversation, the conversation either ceases or is diverted to more relevant subjects i.e. weather; prima facia evidence of the denial of death.
It is an interesting contrast that the consensus of scholars, theologians, psychologists, sociologists, et al is awareness of our mortality is essential to living life well.

As a Christ-follower I can truthfully say that I do not live with a conscious, abiding fear of death; however, should I unexpectedly come face to face with death, it would be terrifying and I would desperately seek to avoid it. Coming to grips with those conflicting realities, it no longer seems so curious people who believe most fervently in divine healing also cling most doggedly to the technology of mortals. I can empathize with the woman, when faced with the immanent death of a loved one said,
“No, Doctor,” she replied. “We are Christians, and we believe that Jesus can heal. We believe in miracles. You do whatever you can to keep him alive.”

A recent Harvard study found that patients with high levels of support from their religious communities are more likely to choose aggressive life support and to die in intensive-care units. They were also less likely to enroll in hospice. Why might this be?

Dugdale, L.S.. The Lost Art of Dying (p. 6)

Tim Keller in his article entitled”Growing My Faith in the Face of Death” describes his experience with the troubling paradox some Christians experience when faced with death and offers a possible answer to “Why might this be?”

One of the first things I learned was that religious faith does not automatically provide solace in times of crisis. A belief in God and an afterlife does not become spontaneously comforting and existentially strengthening. Despite my rational, conscious acknowledgment that I would die someday, the shattering reality of a fatal diagnosis provoked a remarkably strong psychological denial of mortality. Instead of acting on Dylan Thomas’s advice to “rage, rage against the dying of the light,” I found myself thinking, What? No! I can’t die. That happens to others, but not to me. When I said these outrageous words out loud, I realized that this delusion had been the actual operating principle of my heart.

The cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker argued that the denial of death dominates our culture, but even if he was right that modern life has heightened this denial, it has always been with us. As the 16th-century Protestant theologian John Calvin wrote, “We undertake all things as if we were establishing immortality for ourselves on earth. If we see a dead body, we may philosophize briefly about the fleeting nature of life, but the moment we turn away from the sight the thought of our own perpetuity remains fixed in our minds.” Death is an abstraction to us, something technically true but unimaginable as a personal reality.

For the same reason, our beliefs about God and an afterlife, if we have them, are often abstractions as well. If we don’t accept the reality of death, we don’t need these beliefs to be anything other than mental assents. A feigned battle in a play or a movie requires only stage props. But as death, the last enemy, became real to my heart, I realized that my beliefs would have to become just as real to my heart, or I wouldn’t be able to get through the day. Theoretical ideas about God’s love and the future resurrection had to become life-gripping truths, or be discarded as useless.

Tim Keller https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/03/tim-keller-growing-my-faith-face-death/618219/

I fear, like Keller, the actual operating principle of my heart and the heart of many Christians is :“What? No! I can’t die. That happens to others, but not to me.” Beliefs not subjected to a crucible of memento mori (“Remember! You will die!”) will atrophy and become mental assents; ultimately useless when death becomes a personal reality.

People who want to die well must be willing to confront their finitude. We do not have to accept death, invite it, or wish for it. But we must be prepared to say, “Yes, I am human and therefore mortal. One day I will die.” We cannot both cling to the indefinite extension of life and effectively prepare for death.

The Art of Dying

 I am a big fan of the ideas of the art of dying. I’ve given it a lot of thought. And had some experience not of time but of being with people and helping them find a holy death of some sorts. The thing about death is that it is outside of our grasp, in most cases. That means for me that it’s one of those absolute wild cards. We don’t know if we will go quietly or with scream, as we don’t know if we will be covered in blood or covered in a quilt. We don’t know if we will be glad life is over or clinging to the last vestiges of every breath. It’s such a wild card. And even if we plan well, we have no idea when where why how. So it’s gotta be more like jazz than like a symphony don’t you think?

Marilyn Elliott

How real are our beliefs?

STILL ON THE JOURNEY

Conversations Matter – Death and Dying (6)

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a Theology of Death

It seems curious that the people who believe most fervently in divine healing also cling most doggedly to the technology of mortals.1Dugdale, L.S.. The Lost Art of Dying (p. 6).

It is indisputable our society is characterized by avoidance of death. Dominated by a secular ethos, such a reality is not surprising or unreasonable. What I find surprising and unreasonable is avoidance of death in many western Christian contexts. Any attempt to answer why will reveal numerous factors. One significant factor is the absence of a theology of death. A coherent theology of death, will not sanction avoidance, but will embrace death and give it its proper treatment.
This post examines Richard Beck’s book “The Slavery of Death” which I found helpful in developing a theology of death .

The Slavery of Death

The central contention of this book is that death, not sin, is the primary predicament of the human condition. Death is the cause of sin. More properly, the fear of death produces most of the sin in our lives.

The Slavery of Death (p. 3)

Beck’s contention, if correct, is a game changer. Subject to debate, the book makes a compelling case in favor of his contention. Wrestling with the possibility that sin is not the defining predicament of my life has touched and opened questions about much I have either taken for granted or left unexamined — original sin, salvation, substitutionary atonement, human depravity, satanic power, powers and principalities, timor mortis, and more, I am still processing and revisiting my thinking; in some cases I have come to new and different understandings. This post cannot do justice to the whole book. I will share some excerpts intended to stimulate enough curiosity that perhaps some will pursue a theology of death.

The reason Christ appeared was to free those who , in the words of Hebrews 2 : 15 , “ were all their lives enslaved to the fear of death . ”

…an exclusive focus on sin tends to oversimplify the dynamics of our moral struggles .

The power of death that the devil wields is characterized here as a slavery to the fear of death . It is not death per se that gives the devil power . It is , rather , the fear of death . It is this fear that creates the satanic influence , a fear that tempts us into sinful practices and lifestyles , a fear that keeps us demonically “ possessed ” in our idolatrous service to the principalities and powers .

Salvation , then , involves liberation from this fear . Salvation is emancipation for those who have been enslaved all of their lives by the fear of death . Salvation is a deliverance that sets us free from this power of the devil .

Jesus came to “ undo the works of the devil ” ( 1 John 3 : 8 )

Genesis 3 might be less interested in explaining why humans are “ depraved ” than it is in explaining why we die .

We do inherit a predicament from the Primal Couple , but what we inherit isn’t a moral stain . Rather , we inherit the world they have left us . We are exiles from Eden . The world around us is not as God intended it . Death exists , but this was not God’s plan . We were created for incorruption but find ourselves to be , in the words of Paul ( Romans 7 ) , possessors of bodies that are “ subject to death , ” a subjugation that brings about moral “ wretchedness . ”

…the issue here isn’t to displace the importance or role of sin in bringing about death , but to embed our understandings of human moral failure within a richer theological matrix .

if the satanic forces in our lives spring forth from the fear of death , then emancipation from this fear will move us from darkness to light , into a life characterized by a perfect love that has cast out fear .

To be set free from the slavery to the fear of death is to be liberated from self – interest in the act of genuine love . Thus the sign of Christ’s victory in our lives over sin , death , and the devil is the experience and expression of love . This is resurrection and life .

Death is—apart from God—the greatest moral power in this world, outlasting and subduing all other powers no matter how marvelous they may seem for the time being. This means, theologically speaking, that the object of allegiance and servitude, the real idol secreted within all idolatries, the power above all principalities and powers, —the idol of all idols—is death.2William Stringfellow

Resurrection in Christ, then, becomes freedom from death’s power in daily existence. William Stringfellow describes resurrection this way:
Resurrection . . . refers to the transcendence of the power of death and the fear or thrall of the power of death, here and now, in this life, in this world. Resurrection, thus, has to do with life and, indeed, the fulfillment of life before death. [Christ’s] power over death is effective not just at the terminal point of a person’s life but throughout one’s life, during this life in this world, right now. . . . His resurrection means the possibility of living in this life, in the very midst of death’s works, safe and free from death.

STILL ON THE JOURNEY

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    Dugdale, L.S.. The Lost Art of Dying (p. 6).
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    William Stringfellow

Conversations Matter – Death and Dying (5)

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Honor and enjoy your Creator while you’re still young,Before the years take their toll and your vigor wanes,Before your vision dims and the world blurs And the winter years keep you close to the fire. In old age, your body no longer serves you so well.Muscles slacken, grip weakens, joints stiffen.The shades are pulled down on the world.You can’t come and go at will. Things grind to a halt.The hum of the household fades away.You are wakened now by bird-song.Hikes to the mountains are a thing of the past.Even a stroll down the road has its terrors.Your hair turns apple-blossom white,Adorning a fragile and impotent matchstick body.Yes, you’re well on your way to eternal rest,While your friends make plans for your funeral. Life, lovely while it lasts, is soon over.Life as we know it, precious and beautiful, ends.The body is put back in the same ground it came from.The spirit returns to God, who first breathed it.

Ecclesiastes 12 -MSG

In the process of grappling with death and dying I have come to recognize the importance of dying well. To that end, It is my goal to develop a plan to die well. This post is intended to establish a framework for developing that plan — a work in progress.

Thinking about planning to die well, it occurred to me it is not new idea for me. Many years ago, working at Ford Motor Company, although I did not recognize it as such, I devised a plan to die well. Working in a highly stressful production environment, dying well was an opportunity for pay back. Let me explain. The demand of making production quotas was crushing, nothing else took precedent. Interrupting production was an unforgivable sin. I wrote an extensive post on making production in 2020. You can read it HERE .
Management’s tyrannical demands created great stress and anxiety, resulting in deep resentment, even hatred. Unable to express anger and desire for revenge, I developed a plan that would not only achieve revenge, it would make me a memorable figure in the annals of Ford Kentucky Truck Plant.
This was my plan to die well:

At a strategic time, perhaps when corporate executives were visiting and the plant manager was lauding the plant’s production achievements; I would appear at the end of the vehicle assembly line, angry and enraged, screaming about unfairness of production quotas and tyrannical leadership — promptly suffer a fatal heart attack; thus interrupting production until my body could be removed. (That would be particularly noteworthy, as the lore of Ford Motor Company was the only time production was halted was at the death of Henry Ford, and then only for two minutes.)

Obviously, there are problems with that plan on every level. Recalling it provides insight into the person I was at that time and how far my journey has taken me from that place. It is also helpful in understanding what a framework for dying well should look like. Interestingly, my plan demonstrated all the temptations expected by the dying as identified in ars morendi. Those temptations are disbelief , despair , impatience , pride , and avarice.1Dugdale, L.S.. The Lost Art of Dying (p. 36).

People who want to die well must be willing to confront their finitude. We do not have to accept death, invite it, or wish for it. But we must be prepared to say, “Yes, I am human and therefore mortal. One day I will die.” We cannot both cling to the indefinite extension of life and effectively prepare for death.2The Lost Art of Dying

Developing a framework for dying well starts with recognizing the feelings/temptations we face as death approaches. Ironically, those same feelings/temptations appear when we are confronted with our finitude. Consensus about dying well is that living well is prerequisite to dying well. “The art of dying well starts with the art of living well.”3Dugdale, L.S.. The Lost Art of Dying (p. 23) —living well is essentially over coming slavery to death.4Hebrews2:15

There are two distinct dimensions in a plan to die well framework.
First, there is the spiritual dimension— living life well.
If the ars moriendi teaches us anything, it’s that the work of living well is what enables dying well. The tasks of living well include living each day in the context of community with a view to finitude.5Dugdale, L.S.. The Lost Art of Dying (pp. 180-181).
No matter the number of days we have left, dying well entails living each day aware of our finitude, in community that shares that reality; however, the spiritual dimension of dying well is more than awareness of our finitude, which will be fleshed out in succeeding posts

Second, there is the “nuts and bolts” of dying well; planning for end of life care. To simplify, I am calling end of life care “End Times” I suspect most think of hospice/ palliative care when end of life care is mentioned. Though hospice/palliative care are important, end of life care is much more. Consider this reality:

…a Rand study found that “Americans will usually spend two or more of their final years disabled enough to need someone else to help with routine activities of daily living because of chronic illness. Long before we are visiting loved ones on their deathbed, we may be helping them cook, clean and ones on their deathbed . While the period may average three Years, many people particularly women-will spend more than a older parents and in-laws. In the coming years, “family care giving-[for so long the backbone of long-term care-will be heavily burdened,” the Rand study predicted. Today’s family structures–smaller, often spread across the country and more independent-make it even more difficult to care for the elderly and dying. “Longer durations of illness and greater numbers of women working outside the home also place greater burdens on the pool of potential caregivers.
In a recent fifteen-year span, deaths from chronic respiratory disease increased 77 percent. Fatalities from Alzheimer’s disease have doubled since 1980…. People now succumb to congestive heart failure, lung disease, diabetes that leads to kidney failure, ALS (or Lou Gehrig’s disease) that leads to kidney failure, ALS (or Lou Gehrig’s disease) Parkinson’s, [and] osteoporosis .
Chronic illnesses mean that dying takes a longer period of Chronic illnesses mean that uyg takes a long these challenges, the trend toward gradual dying offers a unique opportunity. “For the first time in human history,” Kiernan writes, “we can anticipate our mortality. 6The Art of Dying – Rob Moll

Rob Moll says that reality is a unique opportunity ..as Christians, we try to spend our entire lives living in view of eternity, not just our final years. But even with the benefit of a lifetime’s reflection on our destiny to worship God in his presence, the prospect of imminent death will surely focus our thoughts in new ways, The experience of dying will change us. A slow death also allows modern Christians the opportunity to relearn what it means to die faithfully

Challenges and complexities of “End Times” will be examined in future posts.

STILL ON THE JOURNEY

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    Dugdale, L.S.. The Lost Art of Dying (p. 36).
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    The Lost Art of Dying
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    Dugdale, L.S.. The Lost Art of Dying (p. 23)
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    Hebrews2:15
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    Dugdale, L.S.. The Lost Art of Dying (pp. 180-181).
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    The Art of Dying – Rob Moll

Conversations Matter – Death & Dying (4)

George 1 Comment

We modern people rarely face death in our day-to-day lives. Consequently, we rarely give death any thought at all. In fact, if we do take time to contemplate death, others might think that we have a morbid or depressive temperament. So it’s not just that we don’t think of death, it’s that we shouldn’t think of death.
…illusion of immortality, making it feel as though death has been banished from our lives. Because as a day-to-day reality, it largely has been. This is why speaking of death is generally avoided, why death is pornographic. Pausing to note death’s existence destroys the illusion. Rather than face the reality of death—which takes some effort in our society, given how death has been delayed—it’s easier to indulge the collective illusion of a deathless society.

Beck, Richard. The Slavery of Death

Writing about death and dying sensitized me to avoidance of death generally and, more specifically, in my church community. I understand an intuitive human response to the terror of death that produces the illusion of immortality, but, what perplexes me is avoidance of death in Christian communities. On the continuum of Christian communities some do not reflect an adamant avoidance of death; for example, Catholic and Eastern Orthodox traditions. However, avoidance of death characterizes much of western Christian’s experience, a deeply paradoxical reality for a faith in which death is the focal point of God’s mercy and deliverance.
Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. Heb.2.14NIV

For me, at least two questions arise: 1) Why do church communities avoid death ? 2) What impact, if any, does avoidance of death have on the health of the community?

WHY?
This quote from an earlier post, provides a troubling answer:
Vast portions of American Christianity are aimed at propping up the illusion—that the lives we live are not essentially and intrinsically mortal — giving religious sanction to American death avoidance. We see this in the triumphalism within many sectors of Christianity—the almost manic optimism of church culture that cannot admit any hint of debility, disease, death, or decay. These churches are filled with smiling cheerful people who respond with “Fine!” to any inquiry regarding their social, financial, emotional, physical, or spiritual well-being. Due to many churches’ explicit and implicit religious sanctioning of the American success ethos, church members become too afraid to show each other their weakness, brokenness, failure, and vulnerability. Such admissions are avoided, as they threaten to expose the neurotic lie that sits at the heart of Christian culture and American society—that death doesn’t exist. 1Death and Life: An American Theology – David McGill 

When avoidance of death prevails, a secular mindset is exposed.
For Christians, avoidance of death is an implicit endorsement of Satan’s lie, “You will not certainly die.”.

So What? — the costs of avoiding death

Whether you are a Christian or not avoiding death is costly. This post focuses on costs to Christ-followers and their community— the Body of Christ. The list is not exhaustive but represents highlights of thoughts and ideas that have emerged in the course of writing on the subject. As usual, your input is appreciated.

  • Avoiding death denies encouragement to the body of Christ: “… thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
    Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 
    For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 
    Therefore encourage one another with these words.    21 Thess. 4:13-18
  • Avoidance of death leaves no space for mourning as a community; the bereaved mourn privately, leaving those “who are fine” undisturbed and uninvolved.
  • Where death is avoided, opportunity to die well is diminished; dying well requires continual awareness of our finitude.
  • Death wounds the body of Christ. “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. 31 Cor 12
    …the good death still injures the community Death, even the good or happy death, is a painful event. It is evil and not a part of God’s are ation, though God can bring good from it. And those closest to the deceased, in particular, need their wounds healed.
    Avoidance of death inhibits healing for the body of Christ.
  • When death is avoided death is no longer sacred..
    Christians in previous centuries, death was a sacred moment long prepared for. Christians sought to learn from the dying because of their in creased spirituality as they neared eternity
    The community drew comfort and encouragement from reports of those who crossed over in peace and hope.
    Another feature of this tradition taught that the dead were a permanent part of church life.
    Not only were Christian interpretations of death marginalized by a country that had become more secular, but Christians themselves now looked differently on death. Letters from the first half of the twentieth century show a marked change in how Christians talked about death. They began to use strictly material terms. Christians used their faith not to under stand death’s meaning and purpose and prepare themselves for life eternal, but to provide comfort in grief. “She’s gone to a better place,” we now say: Death became not the inevitable result of sin but the natural process of journeying to heaven.    4The Art of Dying
  • WE HAVE NO CHRISTIAN DYING
    “The dying person in the Christian tradition is invited to immerse as she or he did in baptism-a human story in a divine story, the Christian’s dying in the paschal mystery of Christ’s death and resurrection,” says Donald Heinz.
    “The idea that deaths can be inspirational–even redemptive-almost never enters modern conversations about death,” writes John Fanestil, “yet this understanding lies at the core of the Christian gospel.5The art of Dying
  • Avoidance of death shapes memorials, i.e. obituaries – We hide the deceased’s final months and years, We list accomplishments, books written or organizations led. We measure the subject’s significance, and we quote the fond remembrances of friends and loved ones, we never mention how the subject died, how he faced his end show she prepared for the life to come.

The church, more than anything else, is a community that believes in the resurrection of the dead-first that of our Lord Jesus Christ, to be followed by the resurrection of those who believe in him and the re-creation of the world. Our faith has this-world consequences in how we treat our neighbors, how we behave at work, how we relate to our families, how we care for loved ones nearing death. If our faith has any earthly consequence, then certainly it should affect how we practice our deaths. 6The Art of Dying

STILL ON THE JOURNEY

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    Death and Life: An American Theology – David McGill 
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    1 Thess. 4:13-18
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    1 Cor 12
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    The Art of Dying
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    The art of Dying
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    The Art of Dying