“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott
“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 5:43-48 NIV
This post was prompted by responses to Brent Leatherwood’s tweet below.
Below is a small sample of responses to Leatherwood’s gracious comment. The depth of vitriol was stunning many, if not most, coming from his own SBC cohort.
As I read through more of the comments I was increasingly incensed and saddened by the hatred and obliviousness toward Jesus’ teaching to love our enemies. Amidst those emotions, prompted by the Spirit of God, I experienced conviction; revealing how much my heart embraces, if not hatred, distain for my enemies. It is a low bar to love those who love me. I found myself in the company of the of Leatherwood’s critics. It didn’t take much introspection to hear the echo of my own words and thoughts about my “Feinsteins”.
When we feel the spear of regret, life is trying to tell us something. Pay attention. Wake up. Take notes.
Daniel Pink
This past Sunday, during a lunch conversation with friends, Ann shared her story from fifty plus years ago about coming to a faith of her own. It was a Sunday evening service. She and our three young boys had gone to church without me. Moved by the sermon, she was drawn to respond. Repentant, she asked for forgiveness and committed her life to following Jesus.
Listening, I had some vague remembrance, but no real recollection of what was obviously a very significant event in her spiritual life. After lunch, on our way home, I asked her about that evening. Her remembrance is clear. She had gone to church with the boys. She asked me to go but I told her no. Coming home, I was sitting on the couch wearing a tee shirt smoking a cigarette. She told me what happened at church. My response was, “What’d you do that for?”
I was dumbfounded. “That’s all I said ?” “I didn’t offer encouragement or appreciation?” “I didn’t ask anything?” “No.” The image of me as young husband and father, I had refined over the past fifty years, did not comport with her story. In that moment, I was confronted with a truth about myself. I am not what I believed myself to be. In that moment, I was filled with regret. Regret for treating Ann badly. Regret for missing an opportunity to be the husband and father I should have been. Regret for being an insensitive jerk.
The regret I experienced in reaction to Ann’s story was painful and curious. There is no question I should regret my conduct, but 50+ years later? Learning I had never apologized, I gave Ann a belated apology. In the days since regret has been on my mind. Having read Daniel Pink’s book “ThePower of Regret” while in Florida, the subject is somewhat fresh in my mind. Numerous questions arose in the intervening days, stimulating me to write this post.
Why would regret be so real and fresh hearing Ann’s story? Was an apology really necessary after 50 years? Why isn’t regret a usual part of today’s vocabulary? How is regret different, if at all, from sorrow, grief or lament? If regret is an integral part of our human experience, why is there an absence of sermons or lectures on regret? Should regret be a part of a Christian’s life?
Some beliefs operate quietly, like existential background music, Others become anthems for a way of living. And few credo blare more loudly than the doctrine that regret is foolish— a toxin in the bloodstream of happiness.
The Power of Regret
In a culture obsessed with happiness, it should come as no surprise that regret is in the penalty box with grief and lament and other negatives. “Why invite pain when we can avoid it?” “Why rue what we did yesterday when we dream of the limitless possibilities of tomorrow?”
No regrets they don’t work No regrets they only hurt Sing me a love song Drop me a line Suppose it’s just a point of view But they tell me I’m doing fine.
No regrets by Robbie Williams
Since my recent encounter with regret, I’ve been thinking how regret differs from sorrow, grief or lament. All of those experiences are painful. Unlike the pain of sorrow, grief or lament, which is deep, protracted and chronic; pain of regret is is sharp and piercing, a wound demanding attention.
The thing about regret is that it hurts. And it hurts for a reason; it’s conveying a particularly strong signal. The fact that I feel a spear of negative feeling called regret makes it much more likely that I’m going to be awake to the possibility of learning from that mistake, if I treat it right.
Daniel Pink
The soul-depth of sorrow, grief and lament demands answers, a struggle that challenges our faith and can lead to despair. With regret the answer is unambiguous, we are responsible, in that moment we understand “We have met the enemy and he is us.” (P0go). There is no one to blame except ourselves. As Pink says, “It clarifies, It instructs.”
“No regrets”, a mantra in our culture and companion of the cult of happiness, has infiltrated western Christianity. Regret and lament are unwelcome intrusions into a “live happily ever after” delusion. Walter Brueggermann understood the costly loss of lament and there is a similar cost with the loss of regret.
Without regret we become —Eve, “the devil made me do it.” or worse — Adam, blaming God, “the woman you gave me…”
Where there is lament [regret], the believer is able to take initiative with God and so develop over against God the ego strength that is necessary for responsible faith. But where the capacity to initiate lament is absent, one is left only with praise and doxology. A community of faith which negates laments [regrets] soon concludes that the hard issues of justice are improper questions to pose at the throne, because the throne seems to be only a place of praise.
Regret like suffering is an attribute of our humanity, and thus our Christian life. There is value in both, but their benefit is not enjoyed by dwelling on or seeking them. “No regrets” denies reality and robs us of opportunity for redemption and growth.
You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss. Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.”
2 Corinthians? ?7:9-10? ?MSG
I have only skirted the edges of understanding regret and its power for good or ill. I highly recommend Daniel Pink’s “The Power of Regret” . I labored to write this post. A few days ago heading out for a walk and perusing my podcasts, I was pleasantly surprised to see a sermon by Josh Graves at Otter Creek Church of Christ entitled “No Regrets”. He had some helpful insights and for those of you who want to dig deeper you can listen HERE.
If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
A.I. Solzhenitsyn
The previous post provided a glimpse into my fundamental spiritual conflict as exemplified by schadenfreude — the relentless struggle with my heart. After writing on a subject, often an article or post will appear that illuminates the topic much better than my attempts. That was the case today. My favorite Orthodox blogger, Fr Stephen Freeman posted “Healing the Heart” . Here are a couple of quotes to encourage you read the entire post.
Learning to open our eyes to the source of our actions and the absolute need for the grace of the Holy Spirit in order to change our hearts is the most fundamental understanding in our daily life before God.
...the truth of our problem is to be found in the very character of our existence: Is it being transformed into the image of Christ or is it falling deeper into corruption and death?
I continue to find Freeman’s insights into Orthodox faith and doctrine helpful in my spiritual journey. Here are some questions I am pondering after reading “Healing the Heart”:
To what extent does a view of my relationship with God through a lens of “legal standing” or “debts owed,” shape my understanding of the spiritual life?
What are implications of “Man, as a fallen creature, is better described as diseased or broken ?
…the truth of our problem is to be found in the very character of our existence: Is my character being transformed into the image of Christ or is it falling deeper into corruption and death?
Shouldn’t every Christ follower, like priests hearing confession listen intently for the state of the heart (if possible) rather than simply categorizing and subjecting to legal analysis what they hear? Always mindful, it is considered a sin to judge someone whose confession you are hearing. How that would impact Christ followers’ relationships ?
Are my prayers focused on other’s behavior or on the healing of their hearts?
There are a myriad of other things to think about in our faith, many of them serving as religious distractions from the essential work of repentance. It is easier to argue points of doctrine than to stand honestly before God in prayer or confession. Doctrine is important (what Orthodox priest would deny this?) but only as it makes Christ known to us. But the knowledge of Christ that saves is not the knowledge one gains as mere information – but rather the knowledge one gains inwardly as we repent, pray, forgive, and humble ourselves before God. The promise to us is that the “pure in heart shall see God.”
The German word “schadenfreude” means experiencing satisfaction from someone else’s misfortune.
During a year and a half pandemic coupled with an cultural environment in which differences of opinion morphed into hardened ideologies. Incapable of hearing other voices. and clothed in our respective rightness, we justify whatever means we chose to resist and combat the evils being foisted upon us. I cannot recall any period in my life (with the exception of Alabama- Auburn loyalties) that resulted in such division, even hatred.
As Thomas Paine famously said, “These are the times that try men’s souls.” In-deed that is the case, particularly for Christ followers. We are in living in a crucible that tests our faith to its depths.
The “trying ” of my soul has revealed a disturbing presence of “schadenfreude—”experiencing satisfaction from someone else’s misfortune.” Several have recently written about the prevalence of schadenfreude. You can read some –HERE , HERE , HERE.
My encounter with schadenfreude is not overt but subtle. It has occurred in reflection on circumstances of those experiencing misfortune as a result of decisions contrary to my opinions/beliefs. In moments of honest introspection, I realize that I experience pleasant satisfaction of others’ misfortune. The fact that I am restrained from expressing my satisfaction publicly is encouraging, but the truth is plain, there’s within me an undeniable schadenfreude impulse.
This realization is troubling. As a Christ follower, I believe “schadenfreude” is not a fruit of the Holy Spirit nor does it reflect the mind of Christ. Its presence reveals sin which thrives in the shadows of my soul. A sin which cannot be absolved by sin management i.e. restraint in speaking or acting out. Overcoming “schadenfreude” requires the transcendent power of God.
Celebration of other’s misfortune is not unusual, in fact, for most of us it comes easily and is consistent with our highly competitive and individualistic culture. Opponents’ demise is the desired outcome. Victory, even if it comes as result of our opponents bad luck, is always occasion for celebration, a fulfillment of our wishes (or prayers?) that they— “get what they deserve” et al. The opportunity to be proved right and to say, or, at a minimum, think “I told you so” is delicious. Dramatic polarization in our society has elevated “schadenfreude” to normal.
…yes, the environment in which Christians exist, never perfect, is much more hostile now than it was. But it’s also the case that Christians are an equally dangerous adversary to ourselves. Far too many of us have little to no sense of our owt failings, and our own collaboration with the world. Rod Dreher
When you start mocking instead of persuading, you signal that you now view someone as an enemy to be defeated, rather than a person to be persuaded…the key to all sin against another is to first dehumanize them…then label them…you have to convince yourself that the other no longer possesses the image of God and God wants them gone as well…we’re all getting too good at this… Phoenix Preacher
The presence of Schadenfreude reveals sin that is deeper “than “missing the mark” —moral failure — a mistake. It isn’t a mistake. It is a power that can reign and rule my mind and body, forcing you me obey, having dominion over me; a false god to whom I give idolatrous allegiance. Defying sin management, schadenfreude’s antidote is found in Romans 6: “…present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.” [Adapted from Richard Beck’s post ]
If these thoughts haven’t caused you to rethink any impulse to celebrate the misfortune of others, and you are convinced that justice should prevail. then consider this passage from proverbs:
Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them (Proverbs 24:17-18).
““Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” Luke 14:28 NIV
The subject “Cost Benefit Analysis” has been a draft post for many months. It is one of those subjects that crossed my mind and I made a note to write about. As I have ruminated on it at various times, I concluded Cost Benefit Analysis’ meaning and application, like a lot of things in our society, has experienced significant change.
A cost-benefit analysis is a process businesses [and individuals] use to analyze decisions. The business or analyst sums the benefits of a situation or action and then subtracts the costs associated with taking that action.
I believe Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA)is a broadly relevant. CBA is a decision making tool that we all use, whether in a formal way or intuitively as we are faced with decisions on a daily basis. Asking ourselves ,”What do I have to lose?” or “How much should I pay..?” require some level of CBA to answer.
My formal CBA experience came at Ford. In that context, it was more about cost than benefits. Cost is paramount in manufacturing, an entire accounting department was devoted to Cost Analysis. As an assembly plant cost determines success. Although the company’s ultimate success depended on profitability, a plant’s viability was determined by cost performance. In reality, there were other factors, product quality, healthy employee relationships to name a couple. The Ford culture of that day, was characterized by a management philosophy based on control and accountability. A plant manger’s performance was primarily measured on his ability to drive down costs.
That myopic approach fostered organizational dysfunction. Irrational cost reductions, particularly in manpower, resulted in diminished product quality and gaslit an already adversarial environment. Ford’s reliance on that management philosophy led to the company to the brink of failure and extinction. To over simplify, Ford recognized that there is more to success as a company than controlling costs. Through a complex process of deconstruction and renovation Ford survived.
The Ford experience was tunnel vision… The habit or tendency to only see or focus on a single priority while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities. A good tool, cost benefit analysis offers opportunity for making informed decisions and improving performance, but when utilized with tunnel vision for cost, results can be disastrous. I naively thought analysis was intended to compare all costs and other factors to determine the best decision, when in fact analysis was to identify and reduce costs. The end game was cost reduction, decisions to reduce cost won out. It was true that Cost was a problem, but it was not the problem.
To get to my point, as stated earlier, everyone does some sort of cost benefit analysis when making a decision. Its effectiveness as a tool is determined by one’s ability to avoid tunnel vision and consider competing priorities. When a single priority prevails, analysis will always support its achievement. I am of the opinion that the calculus in cost benefit analysis, tracking societal changes, has changed dramatically, and has produced a condition analogous to Ford. The difference being, benefits predominates rather than cost. Evidence for this change, at least anecdotally, can be be found in any conversation between generations or a with person struggling with addiction. The most important factor is the benefit to be derived. Not to say cost is ignored, but the consumeristic ethos will bias any analysis in such a way that the desired benefit will be justified.
Possessing tunnel vision for self-interest, we are faced with dire consequences. The perceived value of our desired ends most often exceeds any costs to be incurred. Extremism demands victory, no matter the cost. Materialistic sensibilities may well restrain us when monetary/ material costs are high, but disenchantment ignores or minimizes emotional, relational, spiritual, social and environmental cost, rendering CBA an ineffective tool.
This issue is epidemic. its cuts across all segments of society. Most disappointing is that Christians are not an exception.
…the fundamental materialism of our consumerist, hedonistic society is profoundly anti-Christian.
Rod Dreher
“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.” Philippians? 2:3-5 NLT
Cost benefit analysis is needed more than ever. Clear-eyed analysis of our lives will will reveal the cost of benefits to be for more than we could imagine.
“And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” Mark 8:36-37 NLT
My understanding of Jesus’ warning always related to salvation, eternal life, but I think it is deeper and more profound than that. Interestingly “soul” is footnoted as “self”. Peterson catches this in his paraphrase, “What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?” MSG
For us salvation-assured Christians, with our “get out of jail free card”, we embrace consumeristic materialism all the while using Jesus’ warning as leverage on unbelievers. Is it any wonder why people are confused about what it means to be a Christian?
“Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it.”
While eternal life is not in jeopardy … “a rich and satisfying life.” that Jesus promised is.
