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“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott

“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott

Category: Faith Challenges

Heading Out or Holding On

George 0 Comments

There is an old story about an Arkansas fisherman … legendary for his success and secretive about his methods. The game warden, suspicious , insisted that he accompany him fishing, hoping to learn his secrets.
Fisherman and game warden in a boat, arrived at a prime fishing spot. The fisherman reached under his seat, pulled out a stick of dynamite, and tossed it into the water with a subsequent explosion. Fish floated to the surface and the fisherman began to gather his catch. The game warden, furious, began to protest and threaten to arrest him.The fisherman quietly retrieved another stick of dynamite, lit the fuse handed it to the game warden and said, “Are you going to talk or are you going to fish?”

As I think about the times we live in and realize the magnitude, rapidity and epoch proportions of the changes that are occurring, I feel more and more like that game warden. 

I believe we are a rare and unique point in the history of the world. We are in maelstrom of change that only occurs when mankind moves from one age to another. The change is immense and unprecedented. The emergence of the new age is like hurricane Mitch in October 1998. It stalled off the coast of Honduras and pumped 100” of rain. The resulting floods and landslides were estimated to have killed 10,000 people. Change is always constantly happening but what is happening now is like Hurricane Mitch. 100” of rain is not unusual for year but when the change comes all at once the landscape is completely altered. Maps that were previously used are no longer useful. Structures that use to serve become tourist attractions. 

The Choluteca bridge is a 484 m. long bridge in Honduras in a region notorious for storms and hurricanes. The bridge, completed in 1998, was a modern marvel of engineering, designed to withstand powerful forces of nature. But as it turns out, in the same year that the bridge was commissioned for use, Honduras was hit by Hurricane Mitch, which caused considerable damage to the nation and its infrastructure.
Many other bridges were damaged, but the Choluteca bridge survived in near perfect condition. However, roads on either end of the bridge completely vanished, leaving no visible trace of their prior existence. More impressively, the Choluteca River (which is several hundred feet wide) had carved itself a new channel during the massive flooding caused by the hurricane. It no longer flowed beneath the bridge, which now spanned dry ground. The bridge quickly became known as “The Bridge to Nowhere.”

Change brings crisis. The word for crisis in Chinese means danger and opportunity. The Hebrew word for crisis is mash-ber, a  word which is also used for birth stool, a seat upon which a woman in ancient times sat as she gave birth.

What we have before us is both great danger and great opportunity. The question is how will we respond?

I believe there are two basic strategies. The history of Christianity could be written in two volumes. One would feature the story of those who, answered the phone and when they got the message, hung up, got moving and headed out. The other would feature those who never hung up and just hold on.

Full disclosure.. the previous was the introduction to a sermon I preached on December 26, 2004. I stumbled on it looking through old files and was struck by its relevance to 2021. The imagery of Choluteca bridge is apt metaphor. I, like many, am feeling like “A bridge to nowhere”. Intact, but stripped of things that I have relied upon for meaning, purpose and direction.
Even more than 2004..
What we have before us is both great danger and great opportunity. The question is how will we respond?

In succeeding posts I will share my sermon thoughts about what it means to Hold On or Head Out. Sermon transcript is available upon request 🙂

Not remembering 2004 clearly, I was not sure what precipitated my sermon topic, perhaps it related to church and personal circumstances. However, researching 2004 I was surprised at the breath and depth of events that year. Here are a few:

  • The CIA admits that there was no imminent threat from weapons of mass destruction before the 2003 invasion of Iraq. 
  • Simultaneous explosions on rush hour trains in Madrid kill 190 people. Five suspects blow themselves up.
  • A World Aid Report tells of 5 million new cases in 2004 and 3 million people died
  • Japan is hit with multiple earthquakes and multiple typhoons causing major loss of life and major damage to the economy
  • Siege at a school in Beslan, Northern Ossetia. At least 335 people (among which at least 32 of the approximately 40 hostage-takers) have been killed and at least 700 people have been injured.
  • After striking Grenada, Jamaica and Cuba Hurricane Ivan strikes mainland US with winds in excess of 130MPH causing massive damage and loss of life.
  • Hurricane Jeanne killed over 3,000, most in Haiti.
  • First Same Sex Marriage Performed in Massachusetts 
  • The strongest earthquake in 40 years originates from the Indian Ocean close to Indonesia, measuring 9.3 on the Richter Scale. Creating tsunami waves that sweep across much of the coastlines of Sri Lanka, India, Bangladesh, the Maldives, Burma, Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia. At least 290,000 people are confirmed to have died from South Asia to as far as South Africa.
  • Janet Jackson’s breast is briefly exposed by Justin Timberlake during the Super Bowl halftime show
  • Facebook is launched as a social networking site only open to students from Harvard in February by Mark Zuckerberg with his college roommates and fellow students Eduardo Saverin, Dustin Moskovitz and Chris Hughes. It is expanded first to other colleges in the Boston area and other Ivy League Colleges
  • Fox Hunting is outlawed in the UK

Still on the Journey

Hindsight is 2020

George 1 Comment

Hindsight, ever the cruelest and most astute adviser” 
 R.J. Ellory, Bad Signs

It seems review the past year is compulsory. This post is a submission to that demand. I am reluctant to comment on 2020 primarily because of Ellory’s judgement of hindsight…it is a cruel and astute adviser.

2020 confirmed Pogo’s wisdom.

202o…
… Impeachment/acquittal
…Covid-19 Pandemic
… Social and political upheaval
… Death of George Floyd/ riots, protests
… Quarantines/Lockdowns
… Economic collapse
… Presidential campaigns/elections
exploding flares illuminating the landscape of my life exposing my delusions, misconceptions, misunderstandings and sins. With each occurrence, disappointing realities have been revealed …biases, fears, anger, hatred, prejudices, doubts, impatience and rudeness. The assault has has been relentless. Secreted idols have been exposed, stripping away naive facades of my faith.
Surprisingly, 2020 did not leave me disheartened. My temptation is to attribute survival to the triumph of my faith, but that would be disingenuous. Hindsight reveals a coping strategy dependent on observing and condemning “them”, shielding me from the truth… “the enemy is me”. It saddens to think I may well have squandered an opportunity for spiritual growth in 2020 for “thirty pieces of silver”?

Unlike Judas, my filthy lucre can be redeemed. 2020 is not the end, 2021 it is not the beginning of the end, it is the next page in a story that continues to be written. 2021 is not a light at the end of the tunnel but a bright star in the dark night, the star of David leading me through darkness…the end always in sight.

Ellory is right:
Hindsight, ever the cruelest and most astute adviser.

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
Deuteronomy 4:9

What will we teach our children and their children about 2020?

Sunday Morning

George 5 Comments

Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails 
Do not hide your face from me 
or I will be like those who go down to the pit. 
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, 
for I have put my trust in you. 
Show me the way I should go, 
for to you I entrust my life. 
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, 
for I hide myself in you. 
Teach me to do your will, 
for you are my God; 
may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
Psalms 143;7-10

The past weeks have been difficult. I am feeling sadness in the midst of continued disruption. Sadness deepen by disappointment, loss and loneliness; perhaps dejection is the best word for it. As David wrote in Psalms 143, “my spirit fails”. In the course of trying to understand what is happening, I was reminded of accidie in a recent post .

…accidie [acedia] resentment that life isn’t what we want it to be, and therefore we intentionally withdraw our assent to play our own part in it, and we boycott the theatre. 
Accidie [acedia] has been variously defined as “a state of listlessness or torpor, of not caring or not being concerned with one’s position or condition in the world.”

JIm Gordon


That description has lead me to conclude acedia may be a besetting sin for me and, I suspect, for many others. Besetting sin is an unfamiliar but appropriate phrase in this case.

In the life of every individual, there is a “besetting” sin that can tower like a mountain between the individual and God.
A besetting sin is one to which on account of our constitution, or circumstance or both, we are peculiarly exposed, and into which we most easily and most frequently fall.


My response to the pandemic and subsequent chaos has been increasingly filled with self-pity, lapsing into victimhood, bemoaning undeserved punishment. It is troubling, to say the least, to realize my state of being as sin. Cognitive dissonance is getting a bit worn, but its applies. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I’m faced with guilt? What did I do wrong?

Acedia is not a familiar sin in modern times.. Originally one of eight “bad thoughts” monks defined as deadly sins, it eventually morphed into sloth, one of the “7 deadly sins”. In modernity, laziness is probably the handiest, albeit insufficient definition,

The Oxford Concise Dictionary of the Christian Church defines acedia (or accidie) as “a state of restlessness and inability either to work or to pray”. Some see it as the precursor to sloth—one of the seven deadly sins.
The term acedia was used first used in Christianity by monks and other ascetics who lived solitary lives, and were tempted to become listless and inert, or begin longing to be elsewhere or to do something other than what they were doing.
 It is usually seen as naming a fault, which is subject to one’s will, rather than simply a psychological state. Acedia is to spiritual health something like what depression is to mental health.

https://jamesgray2.me/2015/10/15/acedia-or-the-last-but-not-least-of-deadly-sins/

It’s an ancient term signifying profound indifference and inability to care about things that matter, even to the extent that you no longer care that you can’t care.
I liken it to spiritual morphine: You know the pain is there but can’t rouse yourself to give a damn.
When I compared the classic descriptions of acedia with the plagues of contemporary society — a toxic, nearly unbearable mix of boredom and restlessness, frantic escapism (including that of workaholism), commitment-phobia and enervating despair — I found the ancient demon of acedia in modern dress.
Kathleen Norris

https://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/04/06/got.acedia.spiritual.morphine/index.html?hpt=Sbin

A monk (or maybe a seminarian ?) with acedia:
…when he reads…yawns plenty and easily falls into sleep. He rubs his eyes and stretches his arms. His eyes wander from the book. He stares at the wall and then goes back to his reading for a little. He then wastes his time hanging on to the end of words, counts the pages, ascertains how the book is made, finds fault with the writing and the design. Finally he just shuts it and uses it as a pillow. Then he falls into a sleep not too deep, because hunger wakes his soul up and he begins to concern himself with that.

For many, the pandemic and required quarantines and social distancing has placed them in a monastic sort of environment. Acedia in its origin was particular to monks in the confines of monasteries. Though current experiences do not compare to life in a monastery but they are dramatically different from normal modern life. Suddenly deprived of lifestyles filled with activities and freedom to do as we please, we have found ourselves involuntarily confined to private monasteries. Like ancient monks, we are vulnerable to acedia.

Because of unfamiliarity with acedia and its subtle nature, it may not be taken seriously. Ancient wisdom understood the peril of acedia, earning it a place among deadly sins. Unlike more familiar sins which can be subjected to sin management, acedia attacks our spiritual immune system, invading spiritual sanctuaries (prayer, worship solitude, contemplation, relationships) to distract us and obscure God’s presence. No longer abiding in Him, we wither and die.

At first glance, it seems acedia is just a condition resulting from circumstances beyond my control. I have no inclination to repent or pray for forgiveness. I am the victim not the perpetrator. What’s the sin in that? It’s not my fault. After all, when the pandemic and other aberrations are over, I’ll be just fine. Perhaps not. Acedia produces doubt and apathy. Hebrews chapter 10 is helpful , there the writer recognizes the possibility of “shrinking back” in the face of difficult times and calls for perseverance.

Despite our confidence :
..friends, we can now-without hesitation-walk right up to God, into “the Holy Place.” … by the blood of Jesus’ sacrifice… into God’s presence is his body. — full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Hebrews 10 MSG

We are vulnerable and need to persevere. …“don’t throw it all away now. You were sure of yourselves then. It’s still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God’s plan so you’ll be there for the promised completion.”

Symptoms of acedia, lethargy, apathy, hopelessness reveal its sinful core. They demonstrate the erosion of our confidence, faith.. trust that God will keep his word. Acedia is not a momentary lapse, it is cancerous. We are inclined to ignore symptoms allowing it to grow and diminish our faith.
I mostly think of sin as a discrete problem… an error in judgement …an unkind word or action which quickly produces regret and shame. Acedia is different, It does not produce guilt, regret or shame, rather self-pity and lament for being victimized by “it”or “them”.

The greatest test of faith comes when we encounter circumstances beyond our control. These days are such times. I have found myself floundering, struggling with acedia. Sin management tools are insufficient and I continue to wrestle with the realization that I am beset with sin. The first and most essential step in defeating sin is recognizing its reality.
Though unique, my struggle is not unprecedented in my life. Decades ago in the midst of despair, God through Psalms 73, saved me. Once again I am drawn to the words of the Psalmist as I struggle with my sin.

… my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.
When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood..
… my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

This battle is not about salvation from eternal damnation, it is about overcoming sin that robs us of God’s presence and power that enables us to live as His people in His kingdom on earth now.
Acedia, one writer says, is best defined as the opposite of “spiritual joy”. The threat is real and begs the question, “What do I do ?”
My encouragement is to begin by “thinking about your thoughts” and seriously consider where they are leading you. Salvation begins with self-awareness.

This matter is not concluded for me and I intend to share further experiences as my journey continues.

...let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:22-23