“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott
“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott
This post is the first of several planned on the subject of conversations, and continues a thread started seven years ago. You can read those posts HERE and HERE.
My introduction to Heather Halleman and “The Six Conversations” came via a “No Small Endeavor” podcast . The podcast is an excellent and convenient introduction. After hearing : “The most loving thing we can do is have meaningful conversations.” I was hooked.
The Six Conversations supplies fresh insights into the nature and character of conversation and provides much needed skills and methods essential for loving conversations.
In 2019 Michael Frost called for a “conversational revolution”; that need has only increased.
…61 percent of young people today report feelings of “serious loneliness” (only heightened by the COVID-19 pandemic) …Nearly half of Americans report sometimes or always feeling alone (46 percent) or left out (47 percent). …One in four Americans (27 percent) rarely or never feel as though there are people who really understand them. …Two in five Americans sometimes or always feel that their relationships are not meaningful (43 percent) and that they are isolated from others. …One in five people report they rarely or never feel close to people (20 percent) or feel like there are people they can talk to (18 percent)…. …Only around half of Americans (53 percent) have daily meaningful in-person social interactions, such as having an extended conversation with a friend or spending quality time with family. …Generation Z (adults ages 18–22) is the loneliest generation and claims to be in worse health than older generations.
“The Six Conversations”: pg.10
If you’re wondering why [conversations] matter so much, answer these questions: When was the last time someone asked you a question that invited you to truly open your heart in conversation? How close do you feel to your spouse? Your children? Your best friends? How close do you feel to your neighbors and coworkers? Do you find you don’t know how to draw people into conversation, and if you can, would you describe these conversations as “warm” and “connected”? Have you ever been with another person, and this person failed to ask you one meaningful question about your life?
“The Six Conversations”: Pathways to connecting in an age of isolation and incivility by Heather Holleman
Following are some thoughts and ideas which arose in the course of reading “The Six Conversations” and re-reading my posts. Future posts will address them and other aspects conversation..
I wrote in 2020, “For me, conversation has been a life preserver. I am deeply thankful for family, friends and acquaintances with whom I have had conversations during the recent days and months. Conversations matter. Thank you.” That continues to be true. Our time is Florida is filled with meaningful conversations, Our front porch in Wilmore is a great venue for conversations. Conversation is an energy drink for my soul.
I am of the opinion loving conversation should be a spiritual practice; because, when lacking mitigates the efficacy of traditional practices —prayer, fasting, simplicity, silence, solitude, service, giving, Bible study, et al.
Loving conversation is a primary tool in the evangelism toolbox. In a loneliness filled society, loving conversations are catnip for lonely people. “The training people most wanted didn’t involve more theology or more inspiration; the training people most wanted was how to have a loving conversation.”
There is the risk of loving conversation becoming the end in itself rather than a means to deeper, meaningful relationships.
“The Six Conversations” reveals…a strategy …that works to achieve warm relationships. It’s a strategy and accompanying skill set rooted in research, framed by the wisdom literature in the Bible, and implemented immediately and easily to improve friendships, romantic partnerships, family relationships, and work life.
The four most critical things to do to foster a warm and connected conversation: Be curious Believe the best Express concern Share your life
I’m looking forward to more posts on Conversations Matter. I very much encourage you to listen to the podcast and read “The Six Conversations”.
Just as all higher mathematics depends on learning basic arithmetic, and just as all more sophisticated music depends on mastering the basics of tempo, melody, and harmony, the spiritual life depends on learning well the essential lessons of this first season, Simplicity. If these lessons aren’t learned well, practitioners will struggle in later seasons. But if in due time this season doesn’t give way to the next, the spiritual life can grow stagnant and even toxic. Nearly all of us in this dynamic season of Simplicity tend to share a number of characteristics. We see the world in simple dualist terms: we are the good guys who follow the good authority figures and we have the right answers; they are the bad guys who consciously or unconsciously fight on the wrong side of the cosmic struggle between good and evil. We feel a deep sense of identity and belonging in our in-group…. This simple, dualist faith gives us great confidence.
This confidence, of course, has a danger, as the old Bob Dylan classic “With God on Our Side” makes clear: “You don’t count the dead when God’s on your side.”
Brian McClaren
DEDICATED FAN
John Adams, Guardians drummer, provided the soundtrack to Cleveland baseball for nearly 50 years.
Adams died Monday morning at the age of 71. He had dealt with numerous health complications in recent years.
His drumbeat was the heartbeat of every Cleveland baseball season for the past half-century, year after year, through miserable slogs during chilly evenings on the lakefront to those magical moments that only October can deliver. That ballpark memory you clutch onto dearly? Adams’ steady beat was its soundtrack.
Hockey legend Bobby Hull died Monday…he was a Hall of Famer on the ice and (at times) a hall of shamer off it…we aren’t supposed to celebrate the gifts he gave us because of the latter…I don’t accept this way of thinking…it encapsulates us all in our worst moments without recognizing any good…it’s a nasty way to live…and die…
We should acknowledge the dark sides of those we admire…it prevents idolatry. Acknowledging only the dark side leads to nothing but shame and a false sense of holiness…
The time to give a full overview of someones life is not an hour after they died…
Phoenix Preacher
Four movements in the faith journey
There are four major movements in the overall journey. They are :
moving from forgiveness to acceptance,
from taking in to giving away,
from fear to inner peace,
and from responsibility to simple response.
They generally follow naturally as faith and trust deepen, as we can relinquish that which we cling to and release ourselves into God’s arms.
The Critical Journey
Absence of God “Once the creator was removed from the creation, divinity became only a remote abstraction, a social weapon in the hands of the religious institutions.”
Wendell Berry
RISK
The French poet Guillaume Apollinaire (1880-1919)
“Come to the edge” he said.
“No” I said, “I’m afraid.”
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“No” I said, “I can’t. I will fall.”
“Come to the edge,” he said.
So I came. And He pushed me
And I flew.
via Steve Elliott
Spiritual Mentorship David Brooks in his book “Second Mountain” describes how he was mentored in his faith journey: Anne [Snyder] answered each question as best she could. She never led me – She never intervened or tried to direct the process. She hung back. If I asked her a question she would answer it, but she would never get out in front of me. She demonstrated faith by letting God be in charge. And this is a crucial lesson for anybody in the middle of any sort of intellectual or spiritual journey: Don’t try to lead or influence. Let them be led by that which is summoning them.
View from the Lanai
So I am thinking about this woodpecker that shows up on the street lamp and bangs away on the aluminum cover. What ever is he thinking? Then I think maybe I’m a lot like him sometimes. Just making noise? So much to think about!
Meeting God We all meet God in our own way. There are moments of recognition that, brief as they are, touch those deepest longings we find it hard to name. In the encounter with God it is seldom clear whether we meet God, or God meets us, and in any case, to make such a distinction risks missing the mystery that challenges all such certainties. Jim Gordon
Knowing Who We Are People who know who they are find it the easiest to know who they aren’t. Whenever we do anything stupid, cruel, evil, or destructive to ourselves or others, we are, at that moment, unconscious, and unconscious of our identity. If we were fully conscious, we would never do it. Loving people are always highly conscious people. Richard Rohr – Breathing Under Water
Dreich In Scotland ‘dreich’ is the word we reserve for days that are dull, damp, cold and relentlessly demotivating! Jim Gordon In a sense, one can hardly put anything into words: only the simplest colours have names, and hardly any of the smells. The simple physical pains and (still more) the pleasures can’t be expressed in language. I labour the point lest the devil should. hereafter try to make you believe that what was wordless was therefore vague and nebulous. But in reality it is just the clearest, the most concrete, and most indubitable realities which escape language: not because they are vague but because language is … Poetry I take to be the continual effort to bring language back to the actual. C S Lewis
Truth telling The historian Howard Zinn wrote, “The most revolutionary act one can engage in is […] to tell the truth.” Indeed! I think the revolutionary part of truth is that it can free us and those around us to live with greater certainty about what is real, even when it hurts, because we are no longer shackled to the energy lying requires of us. Lying demands the continuation of the lie and the amplification of the lie to keep the truth hidden.… Telling the truth creates ripples of authenticity that change the world.… I believe truth is revolutionary; it’s part of the work of fierce love. Truth makes a personal, spiritual, ethical, and moral demand upon us. It wants to be said, known, told. It hurts and it’s inconvenient, but it’s essential to our well-being. It cleanses our spiritual palate and restores our souls. Truth is a drink of water to a parched traveler. It lubricates relationships. It liberates us from bondage. It builds trust and connections. It’s the beginning of authentic living and joy. Truth eludes us at times, and we have to pursue it. Truth invites us to be honest about who we are, about our flawed-but-beautiful, broken-but-healing selves. Truth leads to reconciliation and peace; without truth, there is no peace. In the light of truth, we are able to honor our journey and love ourselves. Truth-telling is a spiritual discipline that requires practice. We must not lie to others and, as Fyodor Dostoevsky suggested, we mustn’t lie to ourselves. Being honest with ourselves about ourselves is to love ourselves unconditionally, to love ourselves fiercely. Richard Rohr -Truth-telling can be a very difficult journey on the way to freedom. —Jacqui Lewis, Fierce Love
You might be a fundamentalist if: you have an intolerance for disagreement, are constantly line-drawing, endlessly hunting for heretics. Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. Proverbs 18:2
Dissent …words from the Supreme Court in Barnette: Ultimate futility of such attempts to compel coherence is the lesson of every such effort from the Roman drive to stamp out Christianity as a disturber of its pagan unity, the Inquisition, as a means to religious and dynastic unity, the Siberian exiles as a means to Russian unity, down to the fast failing efforts of our present totalitarian enemies. Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard. David French
Best Ideas Learned in 2022 The best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question, but to post the wrong answer, because people are more interested in criticizing others than helping them.
Evil can be guarded against. Stupidity cannot. And the world’s few evil people have little power without the help of the world’s many stupid people. As a result, stupidity is a far greater threat than evil.
“For every PhD, there is an equal and opposite PhD.” In courtroom trials and political debates, anyone can find a subject-matter expert who supports their view, because having a PhD doesn’t make someone right, it often just makes them more skilled at being wrong.
View from the Lanai Reading “The Second Mountain” Brooks reflects on the mentorship that led him to faith in God.
Pg 239 Anne [Snyder] answered each question as best she could. She never led me – She never intervened or tried to direct the process. She hung back. If I asked her a question she would answer it, but she would never get out in front of me. She demonstrated faith by letting God be in charge. And this is a crucial lesson for anybody in the middle of any sort of intellectual or spiritual journey: Don’t try to lead or influence. Let them be led by that which is summoning them.
Sault Ste. Marie, MI — Stop resorting to imprecise, trite, and meaningless words and terms of seeming convenience! You’re taking the lazy way out and only confusing matters by over-relying on inexact, stale, and inane communication!
Language monitors across the country and around the world decried the decrepitude and futility of basic methods to impart information in their mock-serious entries for Lake Superior State University’s annual tongue-in-cheek Banished Words List. LSSU announces the results of the yearly compendium on Dec. 31 to start the New Year on the right foot, er, tongue.
The vast majority of the 1,500-plus nominations of words and terms for banishment for misuse, overuse, and uselessness for 2023 reveled and wallowed in the erosion of fundamental expression.
Ranked No. 1 as the best of the worst: GOAT, acronym for Greatest of All Time. The many nominators didn’t have to be physicists or grammarians to determine the literal impossibility and technical vagueness of this wannabe superlative. Yet it’s bestowed on everyone from Olympic gold medalists to Jeopardy! champions, as one muckraker playfully deplored. Meanwhile, other naysayers remarked on social media posts that brandish a photo of, for instance, multiple cricket players or soccer stars with a caption about several GOATs in one frame.
“Words and terms matter. Or at least they should. Especially those that stem from the casual or causal. That’s what nominators near and far noticed, and our contest judges from the LSSU School of Arts and Letters agreed,” said Peter Szatmary, executive director of marketing and communications at Lake State.
Here are the 10 words and terms that have been banished for 2023:
GOAT
Inflection point
Quiet quitting
Gaslighting
Moving forward
Amazing
Does that make sense?
Irregardless
Absolutely
It is what it is
My nomination would be blessed: . What would be yours?
Cathexis
Coined by Freud, the word “cathexis” comes from the psychodynamic tradition in psychology. A cathexis is an unhealthy concentration of mental energy on a person, idea or object. The word “fixation” is a related concept, as we become “fixated,” to an unhealthy degree, where there is a concentration of mental energy and investment. Along with “fixation,” “obsession” is another word that points to a cathexis.
You can think of a cathexis as a “hot spot” in the psyche, a “gravity well” that creates a mental orbit, even a kind of “black hole” that sucks up available energy. And that’s a key notion in psychodynamic thinking, how our mental energy is a finite resource. Our various cathexes, fixations and obsessions hurt us because they suck up mental energy, leaving us less energy to allocate, devote and invest in other areas of our lives. Like the pull of a large gravitational mass in space, a strong cathexis warps and distorts the psyche causing it to become twisted and imbalanced.
Psychic energy is a precious and limited resource, and every bit of energy sucked up by the cathexis [of politics] is energy that could be devoted to your family, your friendships, your church, your creativity, your spiritual formation, and your works of mercy in the local community. Richard Beck
CHATgpt Encouraging news—A college student created an app that can tell whether CHATgpt AI wrote an essay. Ironically it is AI that counters the threat of Chatgpt.
Prophets The prophets’ vocation is to cry out—to God, to the air, to any open heart; they cry out on behalf of God and on behalf of the poor because no one is listening except God. They cry out for those no one heeds, except maybe in passing in lip service.… The prophets often see us as nearsighted, meaning we can only see what is immediately under our noses, connected to our own lives. We have lost sight of the vision of hope, of the future that God intends, while we have been concentrating with total self-absorption on our own immediate desires. We are like drivers lost in a fog of our own obsessions, unable to see the road clearly. And so we need the prophets, the far-seeing ones, the dreamers in broad daylight, the long-distance high beams that show us glimpses of where we are going and what the outcome of our choices and lifestyles will be. One way to define a prophet is a person who sees so clearly what is happening in the present moment that he or she can tell us what is going to happen if we don’t change immediately and radically. Megan McKenna
Transformation
We can never engineer or guide our own transformation or conversion. If we try, it will be a self-centered and well-controlled version of conversion, with most of our preferences and addictions still fully in place, but now well-disguised. Any attempts at self-conversion would be like an active alcoholic trying to determine their own rules for sobriety. God has to radically change the central reference point of our lives. We do not even know where to look for another reference point because, up to now, it has all been about “me”! Too much “me” can never find “you”—or anything beyond itself.
Breathing Under Water – Richard Rohr
Academic Freedom
… if academic freedom really only means as much freedom as your most sensitive students can stand, an irresponsible position that puts the university, the classroom, and the careers of scholars in the hands of students who are inexperienced in the subject matter, new to academic life, and, often, still in the throes of adolescence.
Nearly a generation ago, the social theorist Christopher Lasch argued that acknowledgment of the darkness is precisely what is missing.
“Having no awareness of evil, the once-born type of religious experience cannot stand up to adversity,” Lasch wrote. “It offers sustenance only so long as it does not encounter ‘poisonous humiliations.’”
In other words, as Jesus shows us in John 9, the problem lies not with the blind person crying out for sight but with those who won’t acknowledge their blindness: “If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains” (v. 41).
For those who really pay attention—to the world, to the church, and to themselves—the portrayal of only the “good things” doesn’t do much to reassure or build trust. People for whom religion is just a vehicle for consolation and flourishing might be totally oblivious to this, but their kind of religion offers nothing for those who wonder whether anyone can see what’s killing them.
A word that doesn’t speak to that isn’t proclamation but propaganda. Propaganda might work for public relations, but it doesn’t come with the authority to drive out the darkness.
Yes, these are cynical times. The way institutions have misused power can make some people wonder whether every institution is that way. This cynicism isn’t accurate, but it’s also not crazy, given what we’ve seen.
Arguments about the facts of institutions and persons are not only legitimate but necessary. Making the case that an accused murderer wasn’t at the scene of the crime is different from saying, “Talking about murder here hurts tourism, so if you talk about it, you are being disloyal to our city.”
Russell Moore
Know what you’re talking about
…is very difficult to have serious conversations about serious things if we don’t have accurate labels for the things we’re talking about. As George Orwell observed, language “becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts.”
Saint
A saint is not so much a man who realizes that he possesses virtues and sanctity as one who is overwhelmed by the sanctity of God. God is holiness. And therefore things are holy in proportion as they share Who He is. All creatures are holy in so far as they share in His being, but we are called to be holy in a far superior way—by somehow sharing His transcendence and rising above the level of everything that is not God.
Thomas Merton
VIEW from the lanai
Our nation continues to be embroiled in societal conflict; an un-civil war that threatens our future as a democracy. Unlike The culture war, initiated by the Christian right in 1970’s against secularism, atheism and moral decline; today’s war is a bewildering paradox in which the opposing camps are waging War on Reality. Each, believing they are championing the building of a just society, fabricate their own reality; a moral compromise Rod Dreher correctly characterizes as suicidal.
A lie is an attempt to reject reality as it is and to put something else in its place. A lie seeks to murder the truth. Fr StephenFreeman
For the most part, New year’s Day is welcomed with relief and anticipation of a fresh start, a clean slate. An occasion for sincere, but mostly unrealistic, resolutions. For reasons I struggle to explain, this New Year has a different vibe for me. 2023 emerged ominously as the ball dropped at midnight. Perhaps Ohio State’s missed field goal at the stroke of midnight was prescient, so much hope dashed in reality. Happy New Year ? Thinking about 2023, I realized that it is not a clean slate, nor a fresh start but is more akin to a roundabout in a continuing journey. As such, there are several possibilities — a new direction —proceed with minimal disruption —or, confused, loop back, re-routing to 2022. Of the those possibilities, the most desirable, but unlikeliest is minimal disruption. Re-routing to 2022 is not practical nor healthy. New direction is attractive but requires forethought snd strategic planning, neither of which has happened. I am entering 2023 with baggage from 2022 and anticipate of new challenges. Certain about my destination, I’m still seeking clarity on directions. This quote from Thomas Merton gives much needed perspective for the New Year.
I have been absurdly burdened since the beginning of the year with the illusions of “great responsibility” and of a task to be done. Actually whatever work is to be done is God’s work and not mine, and I will not help matters, only hinder them, by too much care.
Thomas Merton
LOOKING AHEAD
ChatGPT The arrival of OpenAI’s ChatGPT, a program that generates sophisticated text in response to any prompt you can imagine, may signal the end of writing assignments altogether—and maybe even the end of writing as a gatekeeper, a metric for intelligence, a teachable skill. The implications of ChatGPT are mind-boggling. I have signed up. Perhaps it is the answer to my blog slog? Feeling discouraged about my blogging, prompted ChatGPT with “Reasons why elderly persons should utilize a blog site.”
This is the response it provided:
Reasons why elderly persons should utilize a blog site
To stay connected with friends and family: Many elderly individuals may be unable to physically visit with their loved ones as often as they would like, but a blog allows them to share updates and keep in touch with those they care about.
To express their thoughts and feelings: Blogging can be a therapeutic outlet for elderly individuals, allowing them to express their thoughts and emotions in a safe and supportive space.
To share their experiences and wisdom: Elderly individuals often have a wealth of life experiences and wisdom to share, and a blog is a great platform for sharing those stories with a wider audience.
To stay engaged and active: Blogging requires the use of technology and can help elderly individuals stay engaged and active, both mentally and physically.
To maintain a sense of independence: A blog allows elderly individuals to have a sense of independence and control over their own content, allowing them to share what they choose and interact with others on their own terms.
To stay current and informed: A blog can provide elderly individuals with access to current events, news, and other information that they may not have access to otherwise.
Keep in mind this response was generated by artificial intelligence, nothing from me but the prompt. It is unreasonable to imagine my future posts could be responses from ChatGPT to a particular prompt? No more blog slog? 🙂 Lots of questions. Would that be unethical on my part? What if I disclosed the post content was from ChatGPT? I really like the ChatGPT response above, it was helpful in thinking about writing a blog at my age. It is definitely cogent. Would it qualify as wisdom? How is that response different from doing a Google search on a topic and compiling the results? Would attribution to ChatGPT make a difference? How can writing be trusted to be original?
Based on the attention ChatGPT has gotten in media, it to will definitely be conspicuous in 2023.
2022 BAGGAGE
Like many people, 2022 was a challenging personally. Unlike previous years where the new year was greeted with a sight of relief and “Thank God, it’s over!”. For me, 2023 inherits baggage from 2022. Over the course of 2022 there were numerous issues, questions and challenges worthy of — prayer, writing, study, conversation — that were not satisfactorily addressed and remain for 2023. What lies ahead in 2023 could make all of the 2022 baggage moot, but I intend to engage them in the coming year.
Spiritual Formation Challenged by readings, experiences and conversations related to spiritual formation over the past year, the subject remains a high personal priority for 2023.
War on Reality An essay started in2022 and originally entitled “What is True and Real?” then renamed “War on Reality” is in my writing cue. Highly relevant to our chaotic culture, I hope to finish it in the 1st quarter of 2023.
THE CHURCH 16 posts in this category over the past two years has not diminished my interest and concern for the church.
Euthanasia A seldom discussed subject that is increasingly important in our post-modern secular society.
Conversation as a Spiritual Discipline “the most loving thing one can do is have a meaningful conversation.” Heather Holleman
Penal Substitutionary Atonement A long held faith principle has come under scrutiny and a subject of personal interest.
Patriarchy and Masculinity Critically important subjects for the Church and society.
Book Bag I’m taking my 2022 book bag with me in 2023. It includes books read, current reading and planned to read. As you can see, some of them relate to the 2022 “baggage”.
